Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Yes I'm the Cat she calls Judge-Y



Welcome, welcome, please sit for a bit…go on, go on…OKAY SIT DOWN ALREADY. Thank you…First off I'd like to introduce myself: 

I'm what the human that owns this blog likes to calls the Judge-y Cat. I live with the humans in this house of mine here in good 'ol Iowa. I think she calls me Judge-Y because I give "her" looks all day long on her shenanigans. She's kind of nuts so of course I'm going to give her looks. psh.

So the other night I  overheard the woman speak to the human man the smaller ones call "Dad" that MODA wanted to do an "In Real Life", of the Designers, and if he would be willing to do a little nice blurb on how she manages working from home, being a mother of 4 and well, just being able to handle it all…he would take pictures and then write all these nice things about her and her work ethics.
And well, it was lovely, the pictures were nice, but I deleted it all, and have decided to finally speak out.
Me taking abuse from the smaller versions of the large humans
This woman V? She's certifiably insane.
 Seriously, this woman is insane most of the year, I KNOW, because I spend the most time alone with this woman during the time that the smaller versions of the two large humans are gone, and the man one is gone the most at some thing called a "Job". But the woman one? She calls being holed up in the basement with the sewing machine, and making huge (GINORMOUS!) messes, staring countless of hours at the computer, and talking to herself (though I answer her at times hence probably another reason she gave me the Judge-y Cat nick name) her "Job".


Oh I know what you are saying right now "But Judge-y Cat, she shows us such nice pretty pictures of her sewing space, and finished products like this one."
oops I don't think I was supposed to show you this one just yet, but if you are wondering yes, that's the first and second Simply Colorful Fabric Lines and the GREEN, BLUE, PURPLE, will be available from the MODA Reps at this so called "Spring Market" the woman keeps freaking out over at the moment.
"And Judge-y Cat she shows us quilt and bag patterns all done up nicely like these."
Endless Summer


Sewing Weekend Essentials bag debuting at spring market

 ALL A LIE! A ROUSE IF YOU WILL!!!
This is our living environment at the moment:
Just a small corner in the nightmare we all call "home" right now. See that bunny? Yeah, I think that's a secret message to all of us living with "her" that she's about to snap and will snap limbs if need be.
The floor looks just as bad

In my happy safe place away from scary Market Time V

Allow me to explain. Every six months around this time she calls "Market Time" she gets all kind of special blend of crazy.

 I've decided to finally come out and tell you of the REAL, the BAD, and the UGLY of this so called "Market Time V".

She walks around all in rapid speeds around the house, on the phone, on the computer, sometimes in near tears saying over and over "When is the fabric going to get here??? WHEN? I only have XX amount of time left before it has to be all done!"

Then the day comes and I get woken up with a door bell ringing from the UPS guy who knows the woman and says "Looks like you got your fabric!"
She squeals with delight and looks genuinely happy for a split second and then starts moving boxes, opening boxes, taking out and cutting fabric, THEN PUSHES ME ASIDE FROM THE DAUGHTER'S BED!
Then she says: "Nothing personal Cat, I just need the bed as my set up spot while I take pictures. Aren't they pretty??"  
I reply with "Don't care, you took my spot." and that's when I give her my nastiest stare, and start PLANNING MY REVENGE MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  Ahem. sorry.

Okay So I sit and stew…and get super angry because for the next few weeks that sewing machine is going like 24/7, the small humans are UNRULY! There's no sense of control AT ALL!
Getting ready to put a world of hurt on that woman for letting this happen 

Do I LOOK happy? Imbeciles.

This is the kind of crap I have to deal with EVERY 6 MONTHS when the woman is too wrapped up in her "Market Time" state of mind. 

I don't get fed... I hear that the small human's and the man human they call "Dad" don't see very consistent meals either during this time either. You would think that she would care more because she's starving herself…but no the woman can live off of sparkling water and any kind of chocolate she can remember where she hid a stash. FOR WEEKS! Absurd!!! 

SO I SIT AND THINK HOW CAN I GET BACK AT HER. 

And then it happens…

Bright light bulb
I know how to get back at her. 

I'll sabotage her work and make it horrible for her:

"Oh I'm sorry, were you working? Don't mind if I do lay on this."

I'll take her spot any time she stands up:
"What? Just keeping it warm for you my dear…but if you try to move me I'll bite you."

Any time she sits to bind?:
"Hey look guys I have a human growing out my butt! HAHAHA!" 

I'll get on her newly finished quilts:
"Just making sure it doesn't get up and move is all."

and EVERY TIME SHE WANTS TO TAKE A PICTURE????:

Me ruining her picture of "Bloom" 
 I'll be there!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
me messing with her cover of Hopscotch
"Oh I'm sorry…DID I MESS UP YOUR COVER??" 
MUAHAHAHAHA!!!

Totally surprising her and messing with her back cover picture of Endless Summer
"BAHAHAHA!!! Didn't see me hiding behind the quilt? Oh LOOK OOOPS!" 
Maniacal laugh!!!

GOT 
YOU
SO
GOOD

Wait…




American Quilt Retailer LOVED the photo bomb I did of your Endless Summer quilt so much they asked if they could use it for THIER COVER? 
*SwearWord*
Well that didn't work out like I'd had hoped. 

eh. okay. I'm tired. I hope to make it through this Market Time fiasco yet again. Wish me and the rest of the humans in this house luck. We're going to need it.

go check out who takes over these blogs today as well maybe it's another disgruntled cat like myself:
Brigitte Heitland and Zen Chic
Vanessa Christenson and V & Co
Moda Fabrics and Lissa Alexander
Edtya Sitar and Laundry basket Quilts
Rachel Brenchley and Basic Grey

34 comments:

Hildy said...

Love you Jugde-y Cat (I'm quite sure that's not your real name) you almost look like my Merlin but he's cuter;-) No offense please, don't plan some revenge for me, pretty please. But you could photobomb a lot more you're doing a great job there!

Audrie said...

What a little shit. Don't ever change hehehe!

Melissa Corry said...

Love, love, love!!!

Sarah Craig said...

What a fun post! Judge-y Cat, you should write a book!!

Becky (My Fabric Obsession) said...

Oh judgey cat, life is so rough! Come tell us about it often! haha!

Purple Quilter Queen said...

OMG - that had me laughing hysterically!!

mascanlon said...

Oh yea, I am sure "She who must not be mocked "will think if a suitable revenge...no catnip for a month!

Elizabeth said...

Oh my goodness! I love this post! I was laughing so much!

Brianna said...

This is so awesome :)

Denise said...

Love your cat! Love this post! I was laughing through the whole thing! Oh...and Endless Summer is BEAUTIFUL!

Melody A. said...

I could not stop laughing, I could hear your cat saying all of this and was sitting at my desk laughing until I couldn't breath. You are such a funny woman Vanessa! thank you.

Julie said...

Thanks for the laugh - I can't get my cat to come near my quilts. She prefers a grotty old sweatshirt of my husbands. Glad you have chocolate stashes hidden away - essential food for mums and sewers.

Rachel @ Quiltineering said...

hahaha! This made my day! Thanks for your fun post :)

joworimakes said...

oh this really made me laugh! thank you for posting this! Judge-y cat is super cute and if he gets tired of photobombing your work, I would be happy to let him come and photobomb mine!! haha! good luck with market sewing!

Caitlin Polden said...

I was having such a bad day and then I read your post and had a laugh (with tears mixed in) and felt relief... thanks so much!

Quilt Kitty said...

Judgey you make every photo better, you can't help it, your a cat. Keep up the good work!

Quilt Kitty said...

Judgey you make every photo better, you can't help it, your a cat. Keep up the good work!

Karen said...

Cutest ever! Love it

Karen@littlebirdiequilting said...

I'm sure all you cats have a secret network because my own cat does just the same as you! Loved your blog post!

JANET said...

Cats and quilts! Magnets.

Anne / Springleaf Studios said...

You wrote my story . . . except I have two Judge-y cats helping (?) me and keeping my chair warm. Good luck at Market.

Norine said...

Love your post! I'll be waiting for the next one from Judge-Y!

elizabeth said...

I love you judge-y cat!! You like like Tubbs, only less "shapely" than she.

Pank said...

Very cute story your kitty shared. Such a super star. Loved the photo bombs. Hope judgey kitty writes more

KMSC said...

Judge-y Cat, you must be one mellow kitty to let those humans do all those things to you and then let them take pictures! You are a saint! BTW, I think you should always photobomb Mom's pattern covers; you add that extra spark to any photo.

Karen said...

Judge-y cat, you are such a star! Glad you are on hand to keep things under control! I bet you'll bring all this market craziness to an end real soon!

Mara said...

Cracking up!!

Helen L said...

Love your maniacal cat!!! Glad to see that he is keeping his sense of humor!!! LOVED your post!!! Hugs, H in Healdsburg

Ben said...

Judge-y cat is also Fun-ny!

Pam Walton said...

Cutest post EVER!!!Love you both:)
Pam From Canada

Lisa E said...

Judge-y cat, you are very cute. If I weren't allergic to you, I'd invite you to my house for a good meal.

OPQuilt said...

Two thumbs up on this post! But somehow I recognize a little help from the very clever female human person.

Remember, you can sleep when it is over. Repeat after me. . .

Rani said...

I just discovered your blog. I love it! So funny and your quilts are beautiful.

Stacy Lindblom said...

I seriously don't think I've ever enjoyed a blog as much as that one! Love it all!! Even laughed out loud at the butt picture.
I'm sure that won't make Judge-Y cat very happy but please give him my apologies.

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