Monday, January 21, 2013

V and Co: sledding clark griswold style

i am finally seeing more and more of my sewing and work table. things keep getting done. yay!
but i'm going to take a break from sewing (for these next 45 minutes at least) to write about our sledding adventures we had over the winter holiday.

our family went sledding with another family. you know to have some wintery fun and crap like that. 
in our neighborhood we have a park with a BIG hill. during most of the year no one really talks about it or hangs out on it. it's just a hill. 
BUT, when winter's here and the snow comes that hill becomes "THE HILL" the mecca for sledders young and old. 
as the sun comes up you slowly start to see the hill peppered with new sledders, by midday the hill is a rocking, and by the end of the day you see at the bottom bits and pieces of carnage of broken sleds, missing mittens, and an occasional boot.

so basically, it gets really crowded.

so instead of wading through the sea of people on the top of the hill to find a slot to launch and then needing to maneuver the sled to dodge and weave between bodies, we opted to go to a more secluded place. where only a few (or dumb enough to do it) knew where to go. 

so we put all the sleds and bundled up kids in the car and we caravanned out about 30 minutes and made our way into a secluded area that looked pretty close to a forest. as we turned the last corner we saw the open area that was our destination. 

man that looks like a steep hill. i turn to the husband "does it look steeper than the one over by our house."
he shrugs, puts the car in park and we start to get out all the sleds and kids.
the boys and husbands have run up ahead and my friend and the girls put ourselves a little more together by tugging hats down, and pulling up mittens snugly. as we follow the two chattering girls we make a little bit of chit chat, and then my friend says "oh my gosh is that blood?" 
i look to see what she's looking at and sure enough as we continue to walk we see that we are seeing a trail of blood. 
where 
are 
we 
going?
right as i'm thinking this is a bad idea, we turn the corner and see only two other families and a few college age kids. 
too late now, cant turn back. 
the husbands are already up on top and we slowly make our way up the hill. the boys are having a blast whizzing by at optimum speed screaming "WHHOOOOOOHOOOO!!!" 
okay so it can't be that bad right?

when i finally get up to the top the husband looks at me smiling, holds up a sled and says "wanna go down with me?" 
for a split second it felt like we were kids and on a date i jumped all happily and said "OKAY!!!" huge grin smile.

i get on, the husband gets on behind me, puts his arms and legs around me and says "okay ready?"
i answer excitedly "YES!" 

and well i don't  know if it was because it was a new sled or if the husband sprayed oil on the bottom of the sled because the minute we let go to take off...

we were off like a shot.
i was screaming at the top of my lungs "WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!"
and i swear my eyeballs were at the back of my head.
holding on for dear life we were half way there, and then we hit a little bump.
and well a little bump and two fully grown people, going around a bazillion miles an hour...you can imagine...we caught some air. and by some air i mean we were in the air and we were moving in slow-motion. we were twisting in the air and when we landed...
we kept going down the hill. (what did you think i was going to say we just stopped? nope)
we kept sliding down the hill at a super sonic speed but when we landed my husband's legs and butt somehow ended up wrapped up all over my shoulders and head.
the man's butt was litterally using my face as a sled...and my face was making a divot in the side of the hill. the.rest.of.the.way.down.

when we finally stopped the husband quickly untangled himself and grabbed my head and was frantic when he said "ARE YOU OKAY? VANESSA ANSWER ME! ARE YOU OKAY??"

as i looked up i started laughing so hard he was speechless.
the kids the kids the next day kept saying "hey remember when mom totally ate it on that hill?" "mom you were so funny!"

my body didn't think it was funny two days later though.  sewing hurt. pretty sure just lifting my arm 1/4" made me wince.

but it will go down in history as the year mom and dad went down the hill and dad used mom's head as a sled.
good times.
and no, it didn't stop me from going sledding ever again, i just haven't had the nerve to do it again... just yet.

42 comments:

birdyboots said...

Oh Vanessa - that is funny! Good times sledding in Iowa :)

Kay said...

Your story made me laugh out loud. I haven't been too fond of sledding since one of my sons when he was a junio in high school went sledding on a hill we call Tornado Hill here in Nebraska & he straddled a fence post at the bottom & severed his urethra. He ended up having major surgery at Mayo in Rochester & had a catheter for about 6 months. Not a good memory for him or me. I don't think he's gone sledding since.

Funky Kim said...

Sitting here at work, laughing! I am glad you're OK and survived the ordeal!

V and Co. said...

yeah i wouldn't either kay! wow! glad your son is okay and they were able to help him!

Sandy D said...

So funny so long as was not me.This is one of those things you will someday say Remember when............

Laura @ ON{thelaundry}LINE said...

Literally laughing and laughing and laughing. Living in wintery climates, I've definitely 'eaten it' more than my fair share of times. But never have I been a buttsled. Thanks for the belly laugh.

Lauren said...

This is the hardest I've laughed all day! Thank you! Unfortunately, I live in Charleston, SC- where there are no hills and there's no snow.

V and Co. said...

yeah i don't suggest buttsledding to anyone

Kathy Brown said...

You just made my day! I don't know the last time that I have laughed that hard!!!

KatheG said...

You are so funny! Reminds me of the time I went dish pan sledding (which I used to do all the time in upstate NY - but much younger)with my new husband and his 2 sons. I got on the dish pan and they pushed me so hard that I didn't see the dirt at the bottom of the hill amidst the trees and ran right into a tree and broke my arm - only the outer bone which really puzzled the doctor.

trish said...

Im sitting at the automotive shop in town as they replace my tires and while reading this post I am laughing out loud! Oh my gosh Vanessa. Im about to read your story outloud and then again when I get home, to the family! :0) So glad you are ok ad now have an awesome story to tell for generations to come! I lead such a quiet life ... I need to find a tall hill some snow and a waxed sled!! Wwhhooohhooo!

ColleenandKendra said...

All-the-time reader, infrequent commenter, but HAD to say this was one of the funniest things I've read in a very long time. Tried to read it out loud to my daughter but couldn't make it through as I was laughing so hard! Thanks for the hearty laugh attack today!!!

A.J. Dub. (Amy) said...

I am laughing so hard I am crying!!! I am glad you survived and enjoyed the ride. :)
Thanks for sharing and making me smile (LAUGH!) today.

Trudie said...

So funny! Glad you are ok. Had a experience kind of like that when I was a kid. I was with my Dad on a sled. We got to going so fast we ended up in a ravine at the bottom of the hill. We were going so fast, we couldn't stop. That was about 30 years ago...we still laugh about it. :)

Shauna said...

Crying over here Im laughing so much! Love your writing style. Started laughing right off the bat with the "have some wintery fun and crap like that" line. Classic!

Kimberly said...

Wow. Better you than me, Honey! Good thing you used that non osmotic cereal varnish!

tubilinha tiacarminha said...

Rios de lágrimas...de tanto rir,claro.Não tenho neve,mas temos muitos morros e coqueiro,usávamos a capa do cacho de coco,como uma canoa e descíamos morro a baixo sentada na geringonça.Muitos tombos e raladuras nos braços e o pior rosto esfolado.Tá vendo?é também de rir...mas que dói muito.....BeijoGRANDE minha linda criança.Hoje dia Internacional do Abraço,um bem grannnnde para você e sua família linda.

Lisa E said...

OK, I had to laugh even though I'm sure you were terrified. Glad that you made it out alive and uninjured. That day will go down in your family history!

pamela said...

That was the funniest thing I've heard of all day!!!!! Thanks for the good laugh and glad that you are both okay.

lisa said...

I had to read that to my husband! Hilarious!

HSockwell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HSockwell said...

Wow! Not only are you great at sewing, but you are a wonderful storyteller! I almost wet my pants as I read your sledding story aloud to my husband. I was definitely crying!

Thank you for sharing your sledding adventure, and I hope you are recovering (and moving) smoother and in less pain in the days to come.

Be safe and keep sledding! :)

Dianne Mitzel said...

oh, to be young and able to sled again, you made it sound sooo fun..go for it again, your're only young once..

Cathy said...

OMG.....laughing so hard I can barely type!! Reminds me of some of the things I did when I was younger!! Thanks for making my day!! I love your sewing talents AND your storytelling talents!! Glad you lived to tell about it!! Gets funnier each time I read it....HAHAHAHAHA

bdaiss said...

Oh good grief Vanessa. Is there anything you WONT do to get a laugh out of us? :D

Glad it all turned out okay. Next time put the hubby in front and get your revenge!

Shalini said...

This is hilarious. I even read it out to my girls (10 and 7) and they were rolling with laughter too.
Glad you came back in one piece.

B Greene said...

What a great way to start the day - I needed a good laugh. Just sorry it was at the expense of your face, but at least you are a hero to your kids!!

kimmyz said...

thanks for the morning laugh :) glad you are ok! Sledding in the midwest can be very interesting sometimes :) Have a great day!

Angie said...

You made me laugh so hard, I cried. Thank you! My husband & I, before children, used to go sledding on a skiing bunny hill at night (it was lit). I remember one time I went so fast on an ice/snow base that I actually peed my pants from laughing so hard. btw...you are awesome, I've been following you for years & have loved watching you progress to the point you are today. You are an inspiration.

Vanessa said...

Holy hilarious! I can't believe how hard i just laughed - by myself at a Starbucks no less!! You sure do have a way of telling a funny story :)

Marg said...

That's so funny I laughed so hard I cried. Great story, I wonder what the other people there thought of you and your husbands unusual sledding style, ROFL.

Cheryl said...

V,
You surely can tell a story. Too funny. I am so glad to hear you and the hubby are okay.

Melanie @ Whimsical Creations said...

1st- I am soooo glad you are ok.

2nd- This is one of the funniest things I have read in a really long time. I read it out loud to my husband and was laughing the whole time.

Rebecca Grace said...

So you know your new nickname is SledHead, right? ;-) OMG, this made me laugh SO hard! I have two boys, and fond memories of sledding and inner-tubing down steep hills in Minnesota when I was little, so I really went down the hill face-first right along with you; that's how vividly you described it all. I'm glad you didn't smash into a tree or end up in a body cast.

Rebecca Black said...

"The man's butt was literally using my face as a sled." That sentence killed me. I seriously fell over and laughed out loud for like 5 minutes from that phrase alone. Love it!

V and Co. said...

thanks guys for laughing with me! it really is funny. even more now as time moves away from that day.

Tammy said...

Note to self that I need to save your blogs to read for when I get home...I seriously laughed out loud at work and had tears streaming down my face reading this...everybody at work was just staring at me...Glad to hear that you guys were ok :)

April said...

Oh Vanessa! I'm literally crying/laughing at the visual images running through my head! Thank you so much for sharing! It's truly one your kids will always talk about...the epic sled ride.

The Yoder's Four said...

Dying with laughter. DYING.

I hope your face is okay!!!

ohiomom said...

OmG! I laughed so hard at this story. You tell a very detailed tale that makes it easy to envision. Thank you for sharing. Your kids will always remember that day...and so will your face, I'm sure, lol. I hope you've healed up nicely.

sonia said...

I love your writing. I was laughing out loud, literally! Thanks for all your wonderful stories...

Dawn said...

I hope you recover. I'm sure that story will be told for years. I love to make my kids laugh! The last time I went sledding (I was 45) I cracked my tailbone and had to sit on a donut for 6 months. Of course the most painful chair to sit in was my sewing chair!6737 pingsrot

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