Friday, October 19, 2012

V and Co: just one of those weeks

no need to cry over spilled milk
 i've had one of those weeks.
i think it started with having a 4 day weekend this last week. it got me off my groove.  i was always a day behind. i was thinking it was wednesday and really it was thursday.
what??? where did that day go, oh yeah, that's right my monday started on tuesday.
but i'm a mom, i'm supposed to roll with the punches, i eat chaos for breakfast!
normally yes.
this week?
not so much.

i wonder why some weeks are like that.
seriously, anyone have the answer? aside from cloudy days, hormonal imbalances, and blah de be blah blah...why is it that some weeks we have SO much on our plate, and yet we can still take motherhood, career, household schedules, school, extra curricular activities, eye doctor appointments, "honey i forgot ...so can you bring me"'s, and all the other little things that happen daily by the horns and say "YES! I JUST HANDLED THAT!" you walk away feeling like you could chew through leather if you were asked to.

yes, that's me making fun of myself two days ago
and then there are weeks where getting up, making lunches, making beds, and getting to one appointment, is almost too much to handle because of all the other responsibilities that are still there waiting for you to pay attention to the minute you get a chance.

i started writing daily lists:
i have one for work related deadlines
and i have one for daily household and family necessities.

funny how a stupid little box where i can place an "X" inside of it can make me or break me somedays.
this week those "X"s haven't been happening.
i feel like life is so SO fast.
always rushing to finish something. just to get to the next thing.

last night after a day of feeling like i've failed to use my time wisely every single moment of the day...
i was getting super frustrated with my youngest noisemaker. she's stubborn. cute as all get out, stubborn as you know what. she refused to do something for school. or rather was saying she didn't know how to do it. i just wanted to get the homework done so i could move on to cleaning up the dishes...and check up on spelling for the third noisemaker, tell the 2nd noisemaker to make more noise with the cello for practice, and check up on the oldest one to make sure he's still on task to finish coloring in his geography map...

my eldest son can write a book on being stubborn, and as he passed by (apparently he wasn't on task) and he was listening to my struggle with katie, he stopped and said "maybe i can help, mom."
i walked away with hands up in the air, and headed to the sink to clean the dishes. but i heard him talk to her.
he talked to her about how hard it is to let go sometimes and do what you are supposed to do, when you resist school things, kids make fun of you, and teachers don't know you are learning stuff. and a lot of people get upset. he ended with "i know katie, because i do that a lot. but i'm trying not to do that now."
i wanted to cry.
he then proceeded to work with her on the numbers sheet.
and i wanted to cry again.
they worked on it for 20 minutes.

my 12 year old, the one that i have cried in frustration and in anxiousness for his well being, was showing characteristics of a loving, selfless, individual wanting to help his youngest sibling out.
i have to admit, i've not written much on "hard" motherhood lately. but i'm going to break my rule of not talking about too emotional stuff on here.

my eldest son, is amazing.

oh he's still a goofy pre-teen, still makes me raise my voice and ask "seriously?". basically he's still a normal kid. but amazing none the less.

i have struggled with him so much leading up to this point. we've clashed we've fought, i've been placed on my knees in prayer more for that kid than anything else in my life.
i'm not going to rehash how hard it was during my husband's deployment, or the struggles of moving so much in a short period of time and how it affected my then small child. all you need to know is it affect our whole family, but my 12 year old took the brunt of it emotionally. he held a lot on his shoulders.
i think of all the struggles my 12 year old (almost 13!) has gone through up to this point and know it has matured my son into a much better person than i could have ever asked for, he surpasses me on empathy, and he surpasses me in knowledge of dealing with personal hurt, and struggles with school.
it's true you do not experience true love, willing to sacrifice everything kind of love, till you have a child who is going through some kind of horribleness, whether it is emotional, physical, or a mere pain of learning of life's lessons. there were many times i would cry just wanting to take away all the weight he had to deal with. i would plead, beg, make deals, anything to take away some of those struggles when we were in them.

this year...he's been surprising me throwing me curve balls with how he can be such an amazing individual, taking responsibility, running after and inviting to stay a kid at church who always likes to slip away before anyone says anything to him, giving me a smile of appreciation and pausing to tell me thank you for the socks in his drawers and the lunch in my hand to give him as he walks out the door to catch the bus, hearing his teachers at school saying: "he is such a great kid, so kind and really wanting to do well."

and last night, watching him, my life made sense for that little bit in an otherwise wasted day in my eyes. he's going to be a great older human being. and i'm so happy to call him mine. i can't take responsibility with how he turns out completely. he ultimately makes his own life. but let me tell you. so far what i'm seeing. brings tears to my eyes and makes me so so tired to think of the years leading up to that moment. but yeah.


not much got "X"d off my list this week. but last night i did go to bed with a full heart, and appreciation for trials in our life to experience these happy moments.

have a wonderful weekend. i'll be over here putting out fires and building some other ones.



47 comments:

Laura said...

What a wonderful post! Kids are generally the ones who suck the life out of us, but those tender moments make it all worthwhile. My three are grown now and we are enjoying our grandchildren. It goes by so quickly. Enjoy those moments while you can!!

Meredith said...

There may not have been a lot of x's marked but you just got one HUGE x on the knowing you are doing a good job at raising your children! Those are the moments when all the bad ones go floating down the memory river.

M Mommy to 4 said...

I'm so glad that that comes eventually! I've been in those spots, with the deployments and the moving and the oldest child that makes you want to pull your hair out. I look forward to a day like you just had! Enjoy it and keep reminding us that those days are coming!

Natalia from Piece N Quilt said...

Ha, I totally have weeks like that! Some I can get so much done and some I feel like I get nothing done. Oh well :)

Sherri said...

So wonderful to read this...it really is the best feeling of all when you get to witness one child helping another...what a tender mercy that you were able to have this amazing experience in the midst of such a crazy week! Truly, thanks for sharing!

melliebean26 said...

Let me just say that your post could not have come at a better time. I have a 5 year old daughter and a 3 year old son and while they are both stubborn, she definitely has a mind of her own. You had me in tears. It does get so very overwhelming at times but praise God for sending a little reminder here and there, just when we need it most, that He is watching, and that we are doing okay as moms. Bless you and thank you for sharing.

Jeanne W. said...

I have been having one of those weeks too. I had someone tell me this week that even though I have 4 kids, because I stay at home, I'm not allowed to say I'm tired!---
Thanks for sharing your "light at the end of the tunnel" moment. It is so nice to have moments like that to know you are on the right track; that you aren't going to completely mess your kids up for life!

Jayme said...

I'm sitting here in tears because I've been feeling the same way about my oldest, who is only six. He has taken a lot over the past few years. Yet as hard as things have been on me and my frustrations and emotions get taken out on him because of my lack of patience, he still smiles at me everyday and tells me he loves me. Thank you for showing me that I'm not the only one, and that despite it all, our kids can grow up to be exactly who we need them to be sometimes.

Amanda said...

on the rough weeks I make my lists in reverse. I write down what I managed to get done; even if it's just changing a diaper or convincing my daughter to go potty.
And i feel your pain on the stubborn girly one. Sometimes I wonder if cuteness is inversely proportional to diva tendencies.

Tote, Debby, Sammy and Caleb Jimenez said...

That's AWESOME!!! It's so great to occasionally see these moments with our kids! My oldest is only 7, but I still seem them sometimes and it helps me survive the difficult days! So glad you had such a neat moment with your kids! Keep up the good work! You're doing something right!! :)

Amanda said...

This is beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing =]

Vanessa said...

I can so relate with you. You are a great mom and it show how much you love your son!
Hang in there it will get better. : )

Vanessa

Mrs. Monkeyboy said...

Thank you for sharing that!

You are not alone and you are doing all the right things.

Valerie said...

I think you can definitely put an "X" next to "Be a kick A Mom". And really, that's what matters most.

Cheryl said...

Beautiful post that made me cry!

Angela said...

"Always rushing to finish something. just to get to the next thing." sums up how I feel as a mother perfectly. The frantic pace is really getting to me. Thanks for the lovely reminder that it is all worth it. I teared up reading about your sweet son. Thank you.

lovespunstudio said...

Oh my sweet goodness. Thank you for taking the time to share your heart. It absolutely touched my heart. And I can relate. My oldest son {and only son} is seven and I spend the bulk of my momma-heart prayers over him.

I've been reading your blog for awhile-- drawn in by your work. But now I'm looking forward to getting to know YOU more-- drawn in by your heart!

Vanessa @ CUTIFULbaby said...

What a great post! Thanks so much for sharing Vanessa! :)

kelli said...

Praises all around! You give me hope! Thank you!

Lisa E said...

A timely post. My 13-year-old and I have been butting heads quite a bit. Your story really made me think about what's important and how I want us to be. Thanks!

Valerie Joan said...

What a wonderful post...I think this reflects the motherhoods of many of us!!!!
But i must say, about your oldest, preteen noisemaker...he must have learned his wise words of wisdom that he shared with his sister from someone....maybe his momma and dad! GREAT Parenting Vanessa...
As my kids were growing..I often felt like I was talking to bricks! but as they grow older much of what you didn't think they absorbed starts coming out in their own words of kind, wise, love, the good people you wanted them to grow up as! I have 4 kids, now amazing adults! They are just lucky I let them live through their childhoods and teen years! LOL

Valerie ...I survived too!!! ha

Marsha said...

I just love reading your blog. You are so real and funny. You make me laugh at the real things in life. Looks to me like you are doing awesome. Keep up the good work. You make others feel like we can keep on going and keep on trying. It does make a difference!!!

A.J. Dub. (Amy) said...

Thanks for sharing that. I have son who has been a struggle, but also has a truly amazing spirit. I need to notice it more. Hugs!

Jenny said...

Nice post, wonderful story. You communicated it well, because I was really proud of him too, while I read it. :-)

Anonymous said...

I shed a tear my dear. I am proud of your son and I don't even know him.

mascanlon said...

Oh my Vanessa, hugs to you and your amazing young man. And thank you for reminding us all that there such important things in the small moments and we should be there to listen to their hearts.

CathyK said...

What a heart-lifting post. Your hard work is paying off! You should be proud! Thank you for sharing.

Kristi said...

Thank you for this fantastic post, and please keep sharing them. I adore the crafty stuff on your blog and started reading it because of that, but I think that the things that you share about parenthood and family are what make it the first one I look at when I turn on my computer. I love that your post can make me cry (like this one) or laugh hysterically (like the potty training/trampoline/water hose post) You have a family to be so proud of--thanks for sharing!

ana.gr said...

This week I was late for everything, my daughter's doctor appointment, my work's documents, ... everything!
So, glad to know that it was not only me!

Rachel Booth said...

Well I just had to go get some tissues. I'm a new mommy, and hearing about how your son is growing into a mature young man just broke my heart. I can only hope some day that my daughter will be able to show that kind of empathy.

Thank you for your sharing and being open with us. It truly touched my heart. :)

mom2three said...

I'm crying over here- tears of joy for you, tears of understanding for him, and tears because I understand those moments where you think "it's really working". Being a mom is so hard- and yes, it's rewarding, but you can't get rewarded without the tough parts... thanks for sharing your week with us! I've always loved these kinds of posts from you- so I know it's not your style anymore, but thank you.

Esch House Quilts said...

What a beautiful post, Vanessa! I'd guess the hard parts of raising such a wonderful young man never made it onto the to-do lists. Clearly, you've been checking off a lot of great stuff even if it hasn't shown up on your list :)

Lorina said...

Thanks for sharing. :)

Melissa K. said...

Thank you for this beautiful post from a mom in the trenches. It's week was a rough one for me, too. Just good to hear of bright spots.

Polly @ Helping Little Hands said...

Thanks. Needed to hear this today. It's been a rough couple of days at our house. And my 5 year-old is really difficult...this give me hope that maybe by 12 he'll be easier. He just started school and is really sweet and helpful with his teacher...so that's giving me hope too.

JaneB said...

My son and I went through similar struggles and I think you need to remember to put an X next to the most important thing ever . . . . you (& your DH) are raising an amazing person. I'm sure the other three will also turn out ok too. You deserve a huge pat on the back and a hug. Hang in there.

Leigh Anne said...

Thx so much for sharing! These are the things that TRULY matter! (I LOVE the crafty stuff, but I also love being able to rejoice w/ you in the everyday joys of life!) Thx for reminding me of this and it makes my heart happy to know that your little (soon to be big) man is doing so well :) God is GOOD!

Dawn said...

In my book 85% of reading a blog is getting to know the person behind the blog. So.....thanks for sharing your week. And just think....that remarkable young man has so many more of those moments headed your way. There are days when all moms wonder if we made the right choice when we decided to have children. You have reached the point where you will never again question that. You have so much to look forward to. Congrats!

Funky Kim said...

I'm so happy for you and for your son! I remember the deployment and those worries for you. It's such an answer to prayer to be allowed these little glimpses into the wonderful human beings they are growing into.

Much love to you and yours!

Abbey Trimboli said...

A beautiful post...thanks so much for sharing. Going to bed with an overflowing heart would have been so worth not Xing any boxes :)

Abbey

Little Purple Forest

Jennifer said...

Love this post! By the way I think its a Midwest thing (change of season blues) when you find yourself on the roll of getting things done one week and none the next. I too have days that go like that where I feel like I wasted a day of getting nothing done. It really frustrates me to no end. But in the light of it all when you see your kids do something great like your son had done it make up for all those anxieties. My daughter does the same thing to me too. As for her I think I would just fall over and pass out or maybe cry with joy if she actually cleaned her room all on her own w/o me harping on her to do so.

trish said...

I remember the difficult times you had in the past and I am so happy for you all. What a fine young man you have there!! :o) And how precious that he wants to come alongside your younger ones and help.
I too am such a list maker. I depend on them and it is so liberating to mark a line right through the center of a task! Love it! :o)
Have a great week. Trish xo

LeAnn said...

Love this post! <3 <3 <3

Nana said...

An awesome post. Made me laugh,smile and cry. You were able to see a little light that you can hold on too. Your son is a wonderful, caring human being and you "helped" direct his path. When you struggle together you love more. Keep up the good work. You are doing a lot of things right!

Purple Quilter Queen said...

OMG - Now I'm bawling my eyes out. How awesome was that for your as his mother to witness that kindness. You are doing an amazing job and obviously something is sticking with him. Good job! Jenn

amylouwho said...

This made me cry! So happy for you. I remember how hard things were there for a while. Is it the job of the eldest to be stubborn? I need him to come talk some sense into mine! Let's catch up more soon! xoxo

Anonymous said...

Hi Mom LOVE you
Nate

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