Tuesday, May 3, 2011

because i'm a planner


i'm having a really hard time not being able to plan after this month.

do you ever just say out loud "why can't we just get what we want?!"

yeah i said that.
and the minute i said it i felt guilty. so dang guilty.
i was so focused on one thing...not knowing where we're going to be after may 31st. not knowing is harder for me than doing and going through something hard. is it like that for anyone else?

for example when jake was getting ready to deploy, the not knowing how it was going to be without him was harder than actually doing a year long span of time without him. well, not really, but i feel like i was more anxious over not knowing what it was going to be like and i worked myself up into a tissy before he left. while he was gone we struggled (with my oldest son mainly) but we did it.

yeah, the unknown is harder for me.

and the minute i said it, the next thought was "but you've been given so much."

then i listed all the things that i get on a daily basis that i take for granted. like(just a few but not all!):

-we're healthy and we've never been hungry.
-we have enough to suffice our needs.
-we've planned for unexpected emergencies and are reaping in those blessings.
-my oldest child is doing so well compared to what we were going through a few months ago and leaps and bounds to what he was going through 3 years ago.
-my three other children are happy and doing well
-we are happy.
-we have each other.
-my spouse walks with me
-my spouse makes me laugh
-my spouse loves me and comforts me and makes fun of me so i can make fun of myself and then i can laugh about it.
-we have a second home we can stay in (and half the mortgage payment!) than this house which is in the works of being sold. (yet another blessing)
-thankfully we just moved into this house 6 months ago and i dejunk on a regular basis so packing is going really fast and easy.
-we have options...we just are waiting to see what, where, and with who is the best option.

so yeah. i need to just let go. i need to let go of my personality flaw of needing to know, needing to schedule, needing to plan.

so if you don't mind i'm going to rock myself into a little corner and keep telling myself over and over and over again "i don't need to plan." till i actually start believing it.
;)
ps i am working on another project. so hopefully i'll get that out and posted before market...(ah! next week!)

54 comments:

Jamie said...

I struggle with this SO much. I'm very anxious and I have to be in control ALL THE TIME! (I'm charming. I don't know how my husband stands me sometimes ;)) Waiting on other people to find out my fate makes me want to climb the walls. I can't handle it. I'd even rather have fast bad news than wait a long time for good news. I need to plan and then act. I'm very grateful, but that doesn't change who I am at my core.

Good luck!

Jen O said...

For me, the anticipation is bigger than the event, good or bad. But you survived deployment, and you can survive this too, right? What will you do when your home sells? I heard about it first from my mom when it happened, and I couldn't believe it! Hoping and praying for you and all the people affected by this in my favorite little town.

2littlehooligans said...

i remember my sil feeling the same way when it came time for her hubby to deploy too. yes, your very furtunate to have all those things, but it is still ok to feel that way. hang in there:)

Susan said...

I struggle with the same thing. When we moved to California we knew where we were going, but I didn't find out when we were leaving until a few days before we left, so any plans I had went out the window! I hope you get some definitive news soon :)

~linds said...

If that rocking in a corner thing works for you let me know. :) I've often gone that route myself. I think your feelings are extremely normal considering what you are facing. I've been known to throw elaborate pity parties for myself over much less. ;) Gratitude in the face of these trials is the best response, good for you for choosing that. I have a quote posted at my desk, "The best stress reliever is to be deaf to the deceiver." I don't know where it came from but I remind myself of it daily. Be blessed, and know that I and I'm sure many others you may never know are praying for you and your family.

Brenda said...

Don't worry, I'm beginning to think this is a special trait of military wives. We have to be in control & be the planners, because I know the Army just won't get it right ;). Best of luck with your move. I'm sure God will put you where you need to be.

Katrina said...

Hang in there. I am going through very much of the same thing at the moment. Almost identical. I am struggling, but it's because I too can't seem to let go. Be strong, we can do it! Best of luck and courage.

Chris said...

Uncertainty and I are becoming old friends...and I hate it. We're waiting to see if my husband is getting transfered, after only living here 7 months. The idea of selling this house and moving makes me sick to my stomach. Add that to the uncertainty filled year before...I'm done. But I'm not. And I know that things will work out. I just have to let go of my illusion of control.

The Cottage Mama said...

Oh, I am the exact same way and it frustrates me to no end!!

You're going to market? So am I.....I'm flying in from Chicago and meeting my mom there (who will be coming from Texas). We are so excited - maybe we'll bump into each other. I'll be there with my big baby bump and all, waddling around :-). Are you going to the bloggers meet-up? We'll be there :-)

Love your blog, girl.....I'm not the best commenter, but I've been reading for some time now. Hope you have a great day! Lindsay

QuiltSwissy said...

The future is so unknown. And it does help if we are able to plan. But even with good planning, things can go awry.

Listing helps, but there is still the nagging uncertainty back there.

People who have good attitudes get through these changes by knowing they will be ok in the long run, even if they don't know what comes in between.

Dream of quilting in your new space!

glen: you will love the future! I know you will.

tomiannie said...

I didn't realize how much I was like this until one day I was saying something to my Mom about my younger son not doing well when plans change or when there is NO plan, and she gave me "that look" and said, "Hmm, I wonder where he gets THAT from..."

Oops.

I feel so much better when there is a plan. Even if it's still a struggle or a hard time, if there is a plan I feel so much more secure and confident.

So hard to let go of that!

Erin @ two more seconds said...

Ahhh, I know how you feel. Uncertainty is scary but it can also be exciting - because you never know if the next door to be opened in your life is the one that has your dream job / dream house / dream life behind it! :] Hang in there!

Whitney said...

Um...Amen. I suffer from planning disease and need to know disease, too. However, I have learned my life plans and the story line I come up with (that I would like my life to follow) is NEVER remotely as amazing as the story line that occurs (AKA the Lord's plan). In the end, your blessings will continue to abound and your life will transform into something more amazing than you have ever imagined...all because you are faithful. In the mean time--take some deep breaths and do even more walking.

Marie said...

I am the same way but thanks for the reminder to focus on our blessings :)

Kathleen Casey said...

Hang in there V! My husband and I are going through something VERY similar and I am very much like you. The stress that the "unknown" puts on you is enough to make you burst into tears (at least it has for me lately...). In 2 months from know you'll look back and say...wow, we made it, I don't know how but we did.

This too shall pass and what doesn't break you makes you stronger...

Take Care! :)

The Hojnackes said...

The company where my husband worked shut down in November. It was a shock to nearly everyone there. I knew we had enough to get by for a certain amount of time, but then what? We had moved here in the spring and now we faced the possibility of uprooting our family all over again. Not knowing what would happen was the WORST! Not being able to plan the future, not knowing if we should renew our lease- those were hard. I took comfort in knowing that we were all healthy, we would have food, we would always have family who would take us in if it came to it.
My husband found another job (in fact he had several offers) and we didn't have to move. We made it through. Looking back the hardest part was definitely not knowing.
I feel your pain. You aren't alone! I hope it is all resolved quickly so you can plan again.

Anonymous said...

You are a strong mama! You have your hubby there with you for this next life adventure. I like the idea of listing things to feel good about. I should do that. Thanks for a great blog.

Amy

Justcallmeblessed said...

I feel the same way. We are not military, but for the past 11 years we have moved like we are. We still haven't found a place to call home so I know moving will be in the future, but at this point I don't know when or where. Its so stressful to not know where you will be in 6 months. Especially with kids! Keep your chin up!

MamaLiza said...

I am with you...right about now...

We are getting ready to move for our 2nd PCS. Waiting on the packers to come tomorrow and pack up our house, they load the day after...and then we load up and make out drive to WA from CO. We don't even have an address in WA!

I am a mess, and like you I thank God for my husband. :)

Hang in there!

Ruth said...

I'm exactly the same - I want to know how, why, when about everything.

Hope you get some clarity soon and that you can keep finding things every day that make you smile until then.

Wendy said...

I feel for you ... I've learned that being able to plan, or know what you can count on, means security to me. If I can't plan, and/or don't know what I can count on, I feel pretty darn insecure. Who wants to feel that way. You're entitled. However, you're a mom and a wife, so yours is always the stiff upper lip, the shoulder to cry on or lean on. You need to vent but you still get through everything. Warm heart hugs to you and sunny smiles when you need them! Take care of you!

Maggie said...

Vanessa you guys are still on my mind...thinking about you and the journey you are on. What a great post about just letting go, I know I need to do this more often too! Thanks for the great reminder!!

XOXO,
Mags

A.J. Dub. said...

Thanks for this. We are on the verge of a possible new job/move and I needed a nudge in this direction. :)Good fun with your adventure!

happyhanigan said...

Vanessa- all will be fine. It will fall into place. I am going thru similar circumstances except because of a divorce. everything is up in the air and i'm not quite sure where they are all going to land. Big blog hugs to you.

V and Co. said...

thanks you guys :)

SLO Rober said...

I had to pull myself out of the fetal position today, too. While doing so, I wondered if you were doing the same thing two states away.Apparently you were! I think sometimes we have to find comfort in the thought that we are not alone, even if it means imagining a friend curled up in a ball. Here's to flying by the seat of our pants and letting go! Good luck!

Belinda said...

The unknown is such a scary thing! You've done all you can to prepare - wish I was in your shoes in that regard :)
Hang in there, the unknown will become the known soon enough & you'll be able to plan again, to your heart's content.
Prayers!

Heather at Happy Chippy Junk said...

Life is so hard!! I wish I had a magic wand.....

Sonja said...

Last February (2010) my Hubby took a new job in Washington. Leaving behind me three small children an obnoxiously large dog and a 1916 Craftsman bungalow to try and make/ keep perfect to sell in the housing market (that had just crashed). Talk about planning. I utterly succeeded. I can do it all. The hard part was once the house sold I was homeless for two months while we waited to close on our new home in Washington. Homeless, with three small children, one obnoxiously large dog, 4 suitcases, and one minivan and hubby working in Washington. I set out on a colossal road trip with my brood trying to kill off two months with minimal hotel stays. Best time of my life! You can't plan for this type of adventure. Because your best laid plans are going to be shot to hell by life. I had a utter ball with my children. I felt so unburdened by my life of organized perfection. So guess what I am doing this summer? Road tripping it across country with my brood all over again. Adventure here we come!

Rosanna said...

My best friend just sent me a link to your blog. I really need to read this. Thank you so much. At the end of last October I felt like my life ended....my fiance broke our engagement and he's been in and out of my life since. I can't imagine my life without him and so I keep taking him back only to be hurt over and over. I cry and feel like my life is ending when really it isn't. I need to be grateful for all the things I do have. So....a man who doesn't deserve me in the first place has left my life...who cares! I have so much more to look forward to. Reading your words made a light bulb go off. So...thank you!

The LEO Family said...

"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers." Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley
Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

Our family was in this same situation and "It all worked out!" It's hard to plan for the unknown, but in the end it will all work out, I know it! Just tell yourself it will all work out! Best of luck to you and your gorgeous family! Take care :)

Dara said...

Giving up control really is trusting that God is in control. We know things are going to work out it's just the details that scare us. It really is good to count our blessings, I try to remind myself of that every day.
I am excited to see where your adventure will take you and your sweet family.

Have so much fun at market.

LeAnn said...

I've been there so many times--the good news is that once things start falling into place, you forget how stressful you had been. Big sigh of relief!

When we were faced with several options, rather than praying to know where to go, we often prayed that we would go where we were needed the most (specifically in the church). We always knew that Heavenly Father would bless us no matter what, and He always has!

Hugs!

Laura @ ON{thelaundry}LINE said...

I totally feel you. It's in a different way, right now my husband is probably going to start his own business except he keeps hesitating because his current boss is a good friend of his and might not do nearly so well if my hubby leaves. Not only is the employed vs self employed a huge leap (plus I'd be doing the bookwork so that's work for me) but also I have to rearrange the house to fit a home office if it does happen. Which means either baby sleeps in the office, or baby sleeps with us, or baby sleeps with big sister. And if baby sleeps through the night than that last option is best. But neither the baby or the husband will make a concrete decision on that one so I'm just angsting to myself in a corner and not even feeling like spring cleaning/reorganizing until i KNOW what is going to HAPPEN.

I hope you get to KNOW what is going to HAPPEN soon, too!

Esch House Quilts said...

Uncertainty and in being limbo drives us planners crazy. Just know that all the thoughts you've had about what you would do if "this" happened will work for you when things get settled. You will be well equipped to do what you need to do. Good luck waiting it out.

Lisa said...

I really needed to read this. Of all days, I really needed this today. Thank you for sharing and well giving us all a gentle nudge.

Anonymous said...

If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers." Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley
Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

I would like to know where that is in Scripture? A whole lot of "if's" that depend on us doing the right thing? Putting out trust in Him means that He hears our prayers no matter how fallible we are.

Christie, Describe Happy said...

I'm right there with you in regards to planning and feeling out of control of things. Letting things just turn out is really hard for me, but you are handling this with grace and I want to wish you all the best. Hard as it may be.. it will all work out.. even though you don't know exactly how it will work out. Thanks for the reminder to let go once in awhile!

Kelly's Korner said...

I love the quote! Perfect! We're still waiting to see what will happen with us and it's driving me CRAZY! Also being a super anal planner... I have every direction mapped out, just need to know which road we're going down. So hang in there and I will too!

Carol in Indian Springs Village said...

Oh, how I need to be reminded of this. What is the old saying, "Let Go and Let God"? My husband and I are blessed beyond measure and yet I get all worked up about not knowing, not being able to plan. And just last week my friends and neighbors lost homes and even family in the tornados that hit here in Alabama. Watching them going through this now has helped me to put some perspective in my life and to get down on my knees more often.

Madame Samm said...

I don't know you...first time ever coming by here..you are amazing...thank you for pouring out the warmth in your heart..honey you are not alone...we all have felt your ....well you know...we have been there...and you know something, it does get better...a whole lot better...you get older and you just look at people. life, high, lows, differently and you smile.....really you do...

Sew Much Ado said...

You are awesome :). I was just talking to my friend today about being a control freak (me, that is). Just think, soon enough you'll be in a new place and getting bored :).

Matt Miner said...

Thank you! This is a blog post that I needed today. I have been a teacher for 8 years in the same district and today I was told that I may not have a job in the fall due to budget cuts. It is devastating and a complete unknown right now. But for some reason through my fear and sadness (my career is the other half of me), somehow I feel hopeful and at peace with everything. Also, extremely tired from the "ugly cry". So anyway, thanks for this...it was exactly what I needed.

Trina

Sandy said...

Your post...that is so me, too!! My new goal is to try to have faith BEFORE the trial works itself...that it will work itself out and that it will be in my best interest in the end...rather than just stumbling ahead 1/2 in faith and 1/2 in fear and seeing that there was a big picture after its all done. And there is a great silver lining to going back to Provo -- you can see Amy!

maria said...

You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you get what you need

The Rolling Stones

xoxo

Beverly said...

I agree, the not knowing is the hardest part of anything. God already knows where you're going and He wouldn't send you anywhere bad. Wouldn't it be great if He could just send a little hint? But you know you can trust in Him to give you what you need and you will be alright. I'll keep you all in my prayers. I can't wait to see where you're going next.

amylouwho said...

be careful you don't bump me while you are rocking in the corner. I took up residence there last month. :)

Stacee Maree said...

How did the corner work out? I need the same therapy I think. I start planning for things months in advance. My husband doesn't understand so I am super glad I am not the only planner out there (that needs a corner every once in a while).

Sandy said...

I feel your pain. It is so hard to walk into the unknown and have that faith to get you through it. You are in my prayers. Thanks for sharing, many are going through this in their lives right now - it is comforting to know that none of us are alone in our struggles in this life.

Kristyne said...

So true! I often say that life is what happens when we're making plans.

Double D said...

Hey you,

This past year was soooo difficult for our family, especially because we are planners. Now, I look back and know that Heavenly Father had a plan for us bigger than I could ever imagine. We know are enjoying our fifth child and live in a dream house. Just be faithful and you will be led to better things to come. Love ya, Joddy

KaHolly said...

I hope you can turn this into an adventure to take away some of the 'sting'. Keeping a gratitude journal to remind yourself of your blessings is a good idea. It certainly works for me whenever I have upsets. Everything will turn out okay, just wait and see! ~karen

люстры купить said...

Very nice post!

Jessica Munk said...

praying for you and thank you for this post. It has given much needed perspective to a fellow planner! :) i love the quote, I have to remind myself of the concept daily.

Blog Widget by LinkWithin