Friday, June 4, 2010

series of unfortunate events:the final chapter

okay where were we.

ah yes, seeing gray after the water.
read part one.
read part two.
well much to my dismay, the black crayon did not in fact come completely out, but at least it wasn't coming off onto the clothes like it did to that first unfortunate load of laundry.

i didn't read to the boys that night.
i went to bed rather early and feeling rather defeated.

the next day was just like every other NORMAL day. i finally got to clean the house. boys had only one more day till school got out for the summer and i was determined to start the summer with a clean house and try to keep it on a schedule.
when i had a few hours left before the older boys got home, i started to try to write the pattern to the bag. i mean, circumstances had put it off already for a whole week, now was the time to get it out before the weekend. it would be perfect that way.

i had in fact felt like my bad luck was done and over with. kids come home all is well, no homework is to be done. so i treat them to letting them play video games right after school. they are giddy, i really just need one more hour and then i'll be good to go with the pattern.

the oldest of the noise makers wants to install and play a game on my i touch. now i know everyone and their dog. (or so it seems i guess) has an i phone or i touch...i held my ground NOT to get one for a long time, but i was given one for mothers day. why did i hold my ground not to get one for so long?
because of this conversation:

"mom, can we get the blah de be blah game for the i touch? can we can we can we? PLEEEEEEEEEASEE!!!...pleasee!!!!!!"
to which the next two boys chime in "oh can i have a turn i want to play i want to play please please please i want to play let me play is it my turn?!!!!!" but just imagine it as a broken record sort of thing. katie even chimes in with a "i want a turn!" she doesn't even know what she wants a turn on but she'll chime in anyways.
to which i answer (repeatedly mind you) "NO. it costs money. nope, it costs money. uhuh it costs money."

till i finally break and say "but you can do some that are free i guess. here let me sign in and i'll get you in the app section."

the boys high five and put a slash in the air as in "oh yeah boys 1, mom negative bazillion."

oh, and here's also where the stupid button was hit.
as in how can you be soooooooooo stupid to let your 10 year old into a section where all he has to do is hit "buy now" twice and... well there you go, you bought it.

next couple of events go in regular motion...

kid behind me doing who knows what (well i know now) on the i touch, with my back to him on the computer finishing up my pattern writing. i finally finish the pattern. as i'm getting ready to shut everything down. i get a little notice saying that i have new mail from i tunes...
i think "hmmm do they tell you every time you get a free app as well?" um duh no.

i click on the email.

now the next series of events happen in slow motion.

i read :
transaction $99.99 fish pearls
transaction $4.99 fish pearls
transaction$4.99 fish pearls

things start clicking in my head and slowly i turn around to face the 10 year old about to lose his life. and as if he could sense the anger coming from my corner of the room, he looks up with a deer in headlights look.

yup you got it, me when i turn around and go ape poop on the kid

i sputter "what? how? what?!! what did you just buy?!!! what are FISH PEARLS?!"

child about to lose his life "what? how did you know about the pearls? they were free."

"first off, i'm your mother and just understand this right now because i won't remind you again, I KNOW EVERYTHING AND WILL KNOW EVERYTHING. even when i don't let you know i know, or you think i don't know about it...I WILL.
and second off when did 99 bucks equal free? give me the the i touch now."

at this point the kid feels really bad. says he didn't know they cost money. but i'm not going to let him off the hook. i tell him he owes me the money and we'll go to the bank and take it out of his account tomorrow. that's if the house doesn't burn down or the car explode or who knows what else will come our way tomorrow.

i call the husband and leave him a message along the lines "get this, your kid just cost you $111 plus tax which comes out to $116 in pearls...for a fish game on the i touch."

he calls back and says "okay seriously? have you been making the bed?"
he knows my philosophy in not making the bed.

i do have to say that apple was great to us, and after explaining to the people at apple they reversed all charges. thank you apple!

i got in my car a couple days later and went to my in laws and waited for the husband to be done with his army stuff. i didn't want to tempt fate any more by myself. at least this way i could conquer what come may with others around.
we had a lovely time.
and i started to write and post my story.

we drove home yesterday night with the husband...only to find ALL of our garden plants, dead.
i had forgotten to take them in when we left to escape my bad luck.
with the frost at night and the heat in the day. they didn't stand a chance.

we're buying all new plants tomorrow.
and i'm making my bed.
and staying away from the plants.
per the husband's request.

the end.
please let it be the end.

monday we have a sponsored giveaway. yay!


Wendy_MT said...

OH my GOODNESS!! You are a far, far better person than I ... I wouldn't have made the bed, I would have crawled in it, under it and between it to get away from your week. I guess all that can be said is "God Bless your heart!" and just think of all the wonderful things to happen to you now that you have had holy hadies dropped on you the last week. Take care and holy cow ... :)

emma said...

I enjoy your blog very much. Thank you for sharing your "series of unfortunate events"! I had a crazy day today myself, got a burn on my elbow from a giant inflatable slide while my 2 year old laughed his little head off. lol (

Barb said...

I hope it is the end for you!!

BevS97 said...

My 6 year old did that on my phone, and it's not even an iPhone just a rubbish phone with some rubbish 'free' game, that she played for 5 minutes then it popped up with 'to continue playing press here' and it cost £5. I had no idea that was even possible!
but $99 for Fish Pearls.... Oh my.

Copper Patch said...

Wow you're going to hyperventilate soon with all of the 'big, deep, calming breaths' you must have been taking. Wishing you oodles of good luck from now on!

Cindy said...

Funnnyyy!! No, really- I guess it wasn't at the time! I think I would have been afraid to breathe- maybe have gone and sat in a corner and held my breath! haha! I hope it's all passed for you and I hope you have a great weekend!!:)Hang in there - better days ahead!

Anonymous said...

You crack me up. You should write a book. I hope the rest of the summer is all fun and games for you.

Gene Black said...

Lucky child! He is still breathing! I think I woulda throttled him. Oh and he would NEVER touch the Touch again!

you are a nice mommy.

Vickie E said...

if it's any consolation, my husband let all my vegetable plants die while I was at market. He didn't notice them wilting, turning brown and could he? they were right in front of these type of things happen to everyone. A much needed break is in order for you!

Bonnie said...

Wow, Vanessa! That was some great blogging material but hard to live through I am sure. No place to go but up! Good luck! Hugs, Bonnie

LeAnn said...

Sister Julie Beck came out and spoke with us a few months ago. Someone asked her what advise she would give to those who are struggling with big challenges in their lives (military wives, single sisters, wayward children, etc.). Sister Beck said something like "Get up and make your bed. Commit yourself to your day. If the bed's made, you won't be tempted to get back in when things go bad."

Obviously, there's wisdom in them there words! Keep making your bed!!!

Jessabells said...

Oh I feel your pain. I truly do. I see all different things come out of my bank account for video games and iTunes. I think Att all know me know and I must admit they are one of the best companies I have ever dealt with. You have to watch with the apps. Some are really sneaky and will charge you. I have had to reverse charges several times for apps I have never purchased. Relax this weekend and start off fresh again on Monday.


Larissa said...

HOLY CRAP! Why did you get a sudden poop parade! I would have seriously peed myself when I saw those itouch charges.

I bet you oldest almost peed himself too!

POOR Plants!

Here is to a MUCH better summer friend.

PS Still waiting for news...hopefully in a week.

Amy said...

Oh lordie...we have all had those days/weekends/weeks! I just removed a nice little section of fifnish off of our coffee table by accident. ME! MYSEFL! NOT the KIDS! I was so mad at myself and the worst part was my husband was totally ok with it and just chucked it off as a learning experience not mad at all! Now the next time he does something dumb how do i get mad?!?! Brilliant that man is just brilliant

The Kings said...

i feel so bad that i'm sitting here laughing at your misfortune! it's because of the way you tell might want to think about writing a book. you're a great storyteller! you could become the next stephenie meyer and then nate could buy as much fish pearls as he wanted!

Ólöf said...

At least it's all done now and you can enjoy the rest of your summer.

SLO Rober said...

Password, my friend. Get your account password protected. If my apps account wasn't password protected I would have to sell one of my children - probably the brown eyed one... cause he's the one who would have bought every freakin' app in the games category!
Also, I think Pressuring Mom To Do Whatever They Want should be an Olympic sport, because then you and i would get to visit more because it sounds like all of our children would be medaling in that event..

Needled Mom said...

I do hope the rest of the summer gets better for you. You deserve a break!

QuiltSwissy said...

before iphones my daughter would call China! Literally. ANd when texting first came out I had a $499 bill the first month. Now she is 25 years old and has to pay her own phone bills.

glen: Frank hasn't made me take a job yet to pay for my fabric obsession yet, so I am still under the radar on that one!

mom2three said...

they just had a story on our news about that game in itunes, that the game is free and all of the "things" cost money. I am so so happy for you that they reversed the charges!! Hope you have a fantastic weekend!!

Mindy said...

Ah, V... what a mess! I'm sorry you had so many bad things happen in a row. It can only get better from here, right???

Missy said...

Oh my goodness, it sounds like something that may be happening to me soon. My hubby is Air Force and will be gone this summer. I have 3 boys, not looking forward to it.
So sorry you had a bad time. I hope that all is well now.

Lou Cinda said...

Okay, are done with the bad stuff!! Your summer will be smooth sailing from here on out!!

But this sure did make for a hysterical read!!

I hope you have a WONDERFUL weekend!

Lou Cinda

bdaiss said...

Oh man. I'd say you handled it much better than I would have! But I'm totally stealing the I KNOW EVERYTHING speech. :)

I feel for you with the plants. Happened to me - but with all the plants I started from seed some 2 months ago. *face-palm* Guess it's off to the garden center.

Danielle said...

Oh man, it's so good to know we are not alone as moms! I love your blog for the creativeness... but the stories are priceless! You are one funny lady! I think your kids will really see the humor in these stories when they become parents, too!

sara said...

Thankyouthankyouthankyou! I am in the middle of my first attepmt at potty training with my two-year-old. These posts have given me much needed gasps and giggles in the midst of cleaning pee puddles and holding back tears. Bless your heart! The week is finally over!!!

Kate said...

Yikes! It seems like bad times must be contagious! My 2 year old had 3 stitches in her eye brow two weeks ago, had an xray of her head and discovered a horrible sinus infection (one month on antibiotics), my 4 year old caught a viral skin rash with nothing but time that cures it and then 2 days ago she falls of the monkey bars at the park and breaks both bones in her forearm! Looks like we are both up to our eyeballs in bad luck! It has to turn around for us soon, it just has to! :)

Ryan and Shalee said...

Wow that was some serious events. I know you weren't laughing but trust me you know how to tell a great story. Anyways I just recieved an email today saying WD-40 takes out crayon and lipstick stains from clothes. And you can use WD-40 on practically everything. So maybe give it a try on the dryer. Cause it works taking crayons off walls.. Hope life gets easier and less stressful.Ü

Bonnie said...

I'm with Wendy. I think I would have just crawled back in bed. I'm an empty nester now and enjoy reminding my son(especially now that he is a parent) of some of those experiences when as a parent you just wanted to crawl in a hole somewhere. And speaking of beds... Mine is still unmade. I've found better things to do with my time and if I need a nap... then the covers are already turned down.

Barb said...

I am very glad your husband is home!! Support at last ;)

Nicole said...

UGH! 116 buckaroos is a TON for a silly "free" game! That happened to us this week... my 5yo son bought "ice cream toppings". He had no idea that he was buying something. Need I mention he is never touching my iphone again.

Melissa Stramel said...

Hey V. You may or may not remember my MBS tut for the coloring bag. My little girl put hers in her laundry basket and it got washed with all her clothes. Needless to say everything was ruined. Some of this stuff was my best handmades. So crayons are not on my best list, but we still have a jillion of them around here. . .

Hope your week's getting better.

Dogwood said...

I just returned from Hawaii for my granddaughter's high school graduation ceremony and party.

Just read your last three blog posts. Way too funny. Oh, my gosh so funny! I think some good days are on the way for you! Really, you deserve them!


Annie said...

I laughed so hard at this and read it to my husband. He missed the point and is now searching for the fish pearls game. he thinks if there is an app that costs that much it must be worth looking into. Goodness gracious sometimes it is like I have 4 kids instead of 3!

herlittlefeet said...

I have a story about an 85 year old man, poopy rugs and a dryer. It was baaaad!!

I feel for you, Jayne

Elizabeth said...

I just had to keep coming back after part 1, and then part that wrong? I'm not saying I enjoyed your misfortune, only that I really enjoyed the telling of it! The next time I have a day like that, I'll picture your turtle and hope that it puts things in perspective. ;-) Thanks for sharing!

Anonymous said...

Speaking from experience, WD-40 DOES get crayon stains out of clothes! All of my husbands shirts came out of the dryer with PINK spots all over... you have to scrub it really good, but it works.

We also had a flooded house due to the water heater. It started leaking sometime in the night while we were sleeping. Not a fun experience! On the bright side, I got new carpet out of the deal! I feel your pain. Hopefully your series of unfortunate events has come to an end!

Emily said...

Hahahaha! Oh man, that was funny! Sometimes it nice to be able to laugh at someone else's misfortunes for a change (although, I'm sure I'll have more of my own soon enough:) BTW, Alicia G. told me guys are buds from way back.....small world huh?

the Campfollower said...

Oh my gosh! How hilarious you are! Here are some good vibe wishes coming your they go! I have yet to make the jump to anything apple related. It all just looks so confusing, but if kids can figure it out I may be able to. I am an Army wife too, I am so happy I have found you in blog land.


Anna said...

that is too funny, the whole series of events. wow. I've caught my youngest on my computer a lot lately and I always tease her to quit buying stuff from china.

Kara said...

Oh my gosh, Vanessa!?!! I'm soooo sorry that is terrible. Our water heater broke the other day too and flooded our basement, but at least Josh was home. Oh, and I love your boys! What fun! You should be done, tragedies come in 3's! ;)

Katrina said...

better days headed your way!

Mary on Lake Pulaski said...

Momma said there'll be DAYS like this!
And now they're over - at least for a while. Hang in there V.

CitricSugar said...

Oh, V! I truly hope you DO find this funny someday... Until then, just remember that the wheels always turning and you won't always be stuck underneath it. Hugs!

carol said...

When I heard about the water heater and you took off your shirt, I thought you were gonna tell me that you forgot to put your shirt back on, before the handy man came. Been there done that, or really close. I was in my jammies, when my teenage daughter's car caught on fire in the driveway. You should have seen the chaos. The sheriff lost his eye brows, trying to put out the fire. The firemen just shook their heads, because this wasn't the first time he lost the brows.

I know you can't wait until they are teenagers.

kersten said...

When it rains it pours. When the prankster gods need a good laugh you get a tsunami. Hope things are turning around.

Christie said...

Oh my word, won't this just be so hilarious though now that you've documented know, like in a couple months??? My goodness. I hate when life goes like that! Keeps it interesting, but I can think of a lot of un-hard, un-stressful things that would keep it interesting! You are so funny. Thanks for letting us all know that crap happens there too:).

Becky said...

Good grief! How you made it through and everyone lived is a wonder!

Here's to a smooth sailing summer!!!

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