Tuesday, April 20, 2010

what a mother wants...


being a mom takes a lot of time, energy, patience, sacrifice and prayer.

bottom line, it's the most taxing job i've ever had.
but i would never exchange it for anything.
recently i got an email from my awesome friend who i put up on a pedestal on being a funny, creative, and loving mom (hi brooke!) asking me the question: "what do mother's want?" my first thought was "a massage...sleep...quiet time every day." i wanted to write back a witty response to make her smile or even laugh...but decided to walk away from the computer, and sit and stew on this one.

"what do i want?"

i took two full days to sit and think, and stare at my kids.
for the first time in a long time i sat quietly
and stared.
at them.
thinking.

"what, as a mother, do i want?"

here's a little of what i came up with:

i want my kids to be safe, happy, healthy, successful in whatever they chose to be. i want my kids to be able to handle their trials and learn from them. i want my kids to have healthy relationships, i want my kids to think i'm the coolest person alive, i want my kids to learn to work hard, and enjoy the fruits of their labor. i want them to think about their future at a young age, i want my kids to be smart with their money, their education, their investments. i want them to hold tight to what we try to teach them, that God is good. i want my kids to stay close to the church. i want my kids to have faith that good can prevail. i want my kids to be able to stand firm in the storm of wickedness that this world is offering. i want them to be smarter than the average American thought of "you need this now, and you can pay for it later." i want my kids to be safe from porn, i want my kids to be safe from an abusive relationship, i want my kids to have great friends. i want my kids to not be bullied, i want my kids to value school, i want my kids to want to be good. i want my kids to want to stay morally clean. i want my daughter to be a mother, i want my boys to be loving and hard working fathers. i want my kids to always want to be sort of close but not too close so they have healthy relationships with their spouses and their family as an entity. i want them to be able to fix their own problems because of what i taught them. i want them to not do drugs, i want them to not drink, i want my kids to be best friends, i want them to be goody two shoes till their wedding night. i want my kids to basically be in a bubble that will protect them from anything harmful, anything wrong, and anything that will bring them pain.

as my thoughts swirled into a chaotic mess, and as i started to hyperventilate at the thought that my kids are going to have face so much before they move on from this earth...i stopped. wiped away the tears, i sat and i stared at my beautiful kids that i would lay down my own life for, and the final answer came to me:

"what do i want?"

"i want to be a good mother at every stage of their life. i want to be there for them and to be able to handle the choices (good and bad) they make with grace, humility, and love. i want to always be able to love them, and forgive them, and to always have open arms when they need me. i want them to know how much i rely on the Lord. i hope to be a good example that they would want to do what is right and good not by my words but by my actions."

so scratch all that other stuff. (well not really but you know what i mean)
i just want to be good for them.
that's all that matters.
nothing else can come close to that in my world.
i just hope to be a good one.

and that makes me nervous just the same.

so with that.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
i'd love to hear.

it will make you think long and hard about those little noisemakers that make you so mad at times, in a different light even if for a minute. well, before one of them comes and tells you he just blew out a window in the barn with his brand new BB gun his grandma gave him for his birthday.
here's to grace and love...and counting to 10 before responding.

;)
we'll talk soon.

59 comments:

Six-Pack Momma said...

Thank you. After the day I had, filled with not-so-proud moments, I needed that.

madebymum said...

what a wonderful question and answer.

Cheryl @ a pretty cool life. said...

This is a lovely post.

I think I just want them to grow up with fond memories of childhood...and with no question that they were loved and the most important thing.

Coming from a girl who has been raising her voice way too much lately, this was nice to think about.

And ps. your hair is so smooth and shiny...it looks great!!

Christie said...

What a great time to think about this. I know I have things to work on. I get a little overwhelmed thinking of all the things we need to teach them to be happy and make the right choices in life. It's such a huge responsibility, but I am SO happy to have it. I so want to be good for my kids, as well. I have a lot of work to do, but as long as I can take time to reflect on how I'm doing, I can progress at it. Thanks for the post!

Anouk said...

I just want to be a mom.

Great post, will definitely keep it in mind for when I am a mom.

BJ_Mama said...

What a Wonderful Post!
In short:
I want my children to know that they are loved....by the LORD, by their parents, and by themselves.

trish said...

Good Morning V.
I have pondered so much of what you posted, this morning, during the last several months. Having two teenagers in our home has caused me to hold even tighter to the days we have. It all seems to be going by so quickly and I just wish it would slow down. I pray and pray that I am instilling all the Lord would have me, in their lives and then praying even harder that they would walk in His ways, apart from me. That they would have a vital relationship with Him, on their own.
As a momma, I still watch them sleep, I still make their meals and I love every moment. On those days where we do see eye to eye, and it is obvious, I guess I just pray even harder. :o) And counting to 10 ... yep that is a good practice!! We did not loose a window to a barn ... we lost a brand new (matching- they bought 2 for me) bird feeder to a bb gun though! Paintballs will also make you count to 10! :o)
Have a great day.
Trish

Sarah said...

This is so true! I sometimes think at 7:30 pm, please please please everyone just go to bed because I need some quiet time!!! However...If i get overly frustrated because I am tired...I can only imagine how tired they are themselves. I want them to know that even at 7:30pm after dealing with two sick kids all day I can hold it together for them...with grace and love. It is always nice to be reminded this as a mother.

onlymehere said...

I think you and I could be good friends. You've mentioned everything I ever wanted for my kids. I heard a great talk by Richard and Linda Eyre (pretty sure it was them and that I spelled the name right) when my kids were little titled something like "I Didn't Mean To Be A Witch." It had you write what you wanted your relationship to be at certain ages with each individual child, then you took it by baby steps and worked on the things to make it that way. I know this worked for me. My kids are almost all grown, ages 17 to 25 and they honestly are good friends. They choose to be together even though two are married and one is on a mission. The missionary and his little 17-year-old sister always say that they are each other's best friend. They've said that their whole lives. It's so rewarding. They still have their challenges and once in a awhile still their disagreements but those quickly dissolve and they are back to hanging out together. The world needs good strong kids to lead the way. You're doing a very important work and I just know you'll succeed bz your posts show that your heart is in the right place :)

rachel griffith said...

ditto to everything you just said.
seriously.

Bonnie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bonnie said...

I ♥ this so much. Good pondering! Great goals and aspriations.

twolittletots said...

what a great post! i love your answers. and it really makes you think about life.

thanks for sharing.

"Lois Grebowski" said...

I want "my children" (I have many children, but none that I gave birth to) to be happy, healthy and part of the solution. And to be a positive message to our future.

Sharon said...

so beautiful - I'm crying...
I have two boys but I lost my third son 6 months ago during birth. I am now 4 months pregnant...

What do I want? I want my children to live! I want to live with them! I want to have beautiful days here on this earth together, I want to weather the storms together and come out into sunshine on the other side...

but most of all I want them to know God, I want them to hold on tight to Him no matter what is thrown at them. If this one desire is fulfilled I can be a very content woman! so I try to let go of the rest...

Cindy said...

The best thing is that you sat down and thought about it. Sometimes we forget in all the business of our lives. I've got 2 grown children who I am super proud of. My best advice is to love them to pieces and you'll give them everything they need!

Alyson said...

Wonderful post! We all need those moments of reflection to get us through the crazy days and give us perspective. Thanks!

Melissa Stramel said...

That's beautiful, Vanessa. If my kids have a heart for God and real joy despite the challenges of life, I will feel that I have been successful. As for me, I want to focus my attention more on them.

Tiff said...

As someone who is nearly 30 years old and still hasn't decided whether I want to have children, it is interesting for me to read about mother's and their experiences. Thank you for sharing.

Gwen said...

Fabulous post. Thanks for that!

natalie @ our old southern house said...

i want my child to have happy memories. to know she is loved. i want her to know her history and value the past. i want her to be kind and compassionate--and i want to be an example of that for her to see daily.

rebekka said...

I LOVED reading this. Loved it.

Kari @ Ucreate said...

"counting to 10 before responding"...lol!

What a fabulous post! I'd love to chime in:

I want my children to serve and focus on helping others. I hope they avoid "entitlement" and selfishness. I want them to find happiness that service brings.

Mary on Lake Pulaski said...

I've got it - the look in my only son's eyes last week as he lovingly handed me his 23 hour old daughter; the excitement in my only daughter's voice as she told me her and her spouse have chosen to move back to MN after six years being 1500 miles away. Amen.

Purple Quilter Queen said...

What do I want??? I want you to give us a "MASCARA ALERT" WARNING before you post another thought provoking, emotional, moving blog post like that one again! I'm bawling here! Thanks V - You really put it into perspective for me. I holler a lot more than I should. It's hard to see past the dirty dishes and the toys on the floor at this very moment. But that's not important, it's where they go in the future and how they get there that matters. You are the driver on their life's highway. Thanks again. Jenn

girlsmama said...

Beautiful V! Now I need to think and stare a little...

craftingcathy said...

How refreshing...I just discovered your blog, and this was the first post I read. As a mom who has older kids, I can reflect over my life...many things I could have done differently, but even though I made some mistakes, I know that my children know that I love(d) them!

Melody said...

Thank you for sharing such heartfelt thoughts. I often think about what I want for my family. I agree strongly with all that you have written. There is so much to being a parent. God Bless You!

dana said...

beautiful picture!

Angela Hansen said...

Beautiful post, it brought tears to my eyes. It is so easy to get weighed down with the day to day and not enjoy these little people while we can.

Most important for me is that my kids know that I love them unconditionally and respect them. I have seen the hardships people face when they grow up feeling that their parents only love them if they make certain choices. Another thing is that my kids are ok when they make mistakes and not let it dictate how they feel long term and they try to be better people.

Thanks for helping me to remember how great my kids are and how fast they grow up.

Elisha Trask said...

Dear V and Co,

On May 3rd, we will be holding a fundraiser to aid a local family in need. Kerry Ashby is a husband of 15 years and a father of four: one daughter and 3 sons, two who are on missions and one in the military. A Craftsman, he supported his family through his woodworking shop. He was recently involved in a severe ATV accident, which has left him a paraplegic.

His family is in desperate need of financial help to pay the medical bills, fund renovation costs to make his home wheelchair accessible and assist with basic living expenses.

We would be grateful if you would consider adding a button or a post announcing the fundraiser to benefit his family. Donated items will be sold at suggested retail price, with proceeds going directly to the Ashby family.

This fundraiser will be promoted on Twitter, Facebook and over 15 local blogs, which collectively reach hundreds of Utah women. (A list of participating blogs is listed below.) Your sponsorship will earn you recognition during the event, as well as in blog posts preceding and following the event.

The fundraiser will be held completly online, hosted by Trapped Between a Scream and a Hug (http://screamandhug.blogspot.com), and all transactions will go through PayPal.

Please contact me at elishatrask@gmail.com. I look forward to working with you.

Thank you,

Elisha Trask
elishatrask@gmail.com
traskfamilyblog.blogspot.com


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Amber said...

Thank You, for this great post... I think as mother's those are the things we should hope, want and pray for!

Amanda said...

This is conveys perfectly what I want. I am more because of my kids, and I know I have to keep growing and being an example so that they always have a positive influence to look at. Thanks for this!

Mama Sews! said...

Hmm, I want a lot of that for my own kids! I want to be the mom that God has called me to be me. Not the mom he called my neighbor to be, or my friend to be, or even the mom he called my own mom to be.

I and NO ONE else, can be the mom to these kids, that's why God gave them to me. I want to learn how not to compare myself with other moms. :)

hopeE said...

thank you for your thoughts. I've been thinking a lot about motherhood lately. I am a mom! I chose this! When my daughter is grown -she's 14 now:(- I want my daughter to KNOW that she was, is and will always be Wanted and loved! I want for her to know that she is wanted by her parents, her grandparents, her friends and her father in heaven. I fear that in this world our children are being treated more as possessions and less as gifts. we only want the perfect ones and the others.... Motherhood, being a mother, is a tremendous blessing from god, a gift. sorry to run so long.- oh, and...counting to 10 is a GREAT thing....sometimes counting to 100 is even better!

vigues said...

Wow, you do need to put a disclaimer on the ones that will make us CRY! Thanks for reminding me the blessings of motherhood...I will be thinking much on this (and hey, this would be a great thing to share with our own moms this mother's day, to let them know how they've influenced us to want to be that kind of mom, huh?). Thanks for keeping it real.

Emmary said...

I have recently started checking out your blog and love it. I have 2 boys and am expecting my 3rd. I have so many people praying that I have a girl and I just want to tell them it's in God's hands, not ours. I got just as much grief when we told people our second was a boy, so we have decided not to find out with this baby. I want to enjoy my pregnancy, not have people feel sorry for me or pray for something that God had placed into existence before we ever dreamed it. I was just wondering if you ever dealt with this and if so, how did you deal? Your wisdom on Motherhood was beautiful and I thought you may have some words of encouragement.
thanks and blessings,
Emmary

amy smart said...

Beautiful V. Just what I needed to hear (on a day when I almost lost it with a-soon-to-be-6-year-old who had a melt down because his brother got the yellow cup.)

I think the thing I want most is just for my children to have their own relationship with their Father in Heaven, because I know that He can help them through life even better than I can. I'm grateful though (and sometimes scared to death) that he trusted me with His children.

jaybird said...

you are an amazing mom... and you know you are.. {most days} and the days you don't remember.. i'll remind you.

what do i want? you know what i want.. i'm just not gonna say it! ;-)

Kate in the UK said...

I would like my only daughter (15yrs)to remember she is always loved and supported in what ever she chooses to do. I would like her to like herself and have the confidence to make changes if she doesn't. I would like her to follow her heart in life and love. To only to come home on holidays if she wants to. And to remember if she believes she owes any emotional debts to her parents repay them to her own children. I would like her to remember the saying 'pay it forward', you can travel a long way in life on that philosophy.

Brooke said...

These are some really good comments...now I want to know, how is everyone going to go about GETTING what they want?
Brooke

Terri said...

Happy, healthy kids. That's what I want. But now they're grown, and it's out of my hands - if it ever really was in my hands in the first place. Now all that's left is the prayin' and worryin' - what else is a mom to do?

Carolyn J. said...

Dear V.....love your post - still working on my response :) As a mother of 23 & 17 year old daughters who love and trust the Lord and make me so proud everyday, what I want isn't that important. Although I've made plenty of mistakes along the way, I guess the only thing I want is to realize how blessed I am and to be thankful for the gifts of life that God has loaned to me.....sorry I must not go on.......
However I would like to ask permission to give this to my husband (a pastor) to possibly share in our church newsletter or on Mother's day. If we may do so would you want to be credited or would you rather be anonymous?
Thanks, CJ

Quilt Nut said...

beautiful post and an even more beautiful picture

Ela Cacciola said...

What a beautiful post. I have tears in my eyes. Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. I couldnt have said it any better. I just want to be the best person I can be for my little boy. Thats is.

Thanks!!

~Ela

LeAnn said...

I have sniffles! Thanks! :) I could echo your whole post... but then I'd be a copy-cat.

What I really want right now is for my 2 year old daughter to chew and swallow her food. It's amazing how much we take for granted such a natural instinct. I'd even take typical two year old pickiness if it meant that she'd at least eat something without it being a huge production every. single. meal.

Dogwood said...

You are such a wonderful and beautiful lady. And, most important you are kind and loving. What lucky children you have. I can tell how much you love and treasure them.

The is the sweetest blog and put tears in my eyes.

The Dark Family said...

I just came across your blog today thanks to dear Cheri! You are wonderful and those words touched my heart completely! I can only hope to have those things as well.

Shannon said...

My mom used to say to us all the time, "Be good, be safe, be happy." That pretty much sums it up. Think of all of the things we want and they mostly fit into one of those categories. Life is simple, but it's not. Thanks for the sweet reminder!

Melissa said...

Oh, thank you so very much! I needed this today. I have felt the role/job as a mother is too easily dismissed & we truly have the most important job out there. To be able to raise healthy, happy & faithful children is no little feat! I feel the same as you do. Thanks so much!

Lori said...

Thank you for putting what I want into words that are so perfect! You're awesome, and not just with fabric! Love ya!

L Johnson said...

Beautifully written Vanessa, when they grow up and leave home you still want those things for them;)

Michelle Vandepol said...

love this! the things that matter :)

Missy said...

omgosh! Ditto, Ditto and one more for good measure! I could not have said it more perfectly or more beautifully. You made me cry! Thank you for sharing your heart and reading mine!

Lacie @ Creative Attempts said...

this was such a beautiful post and has given me so much to ponder. I think I forget to stop and ask these questions from time to time and I know I am a better mom after i re-focus.

Michelle said...

great post!

Marisa said...

Great post! It can be so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day routine that I sometimes forget to slow down and really cherish the ones I love more than life itself!

Angela, A Mama with 2 Cents Worth to Share said...

Thank you for sharing...I think that you have said some great things that all moms really want. I know I want my kiddies to grow knowing that no matter what they are loved beyond words and that they always have a place to go when the world has let them down without question or judgement. No matter where I have been, or what age I am my parents still offer this to me and my sisters and I plan to give the same to my kiddies. I also want them to know that there is more to a person that what they see on the outside and by getting to know that person you may find a life-long friendship.
Happy Mother's Day!
Angela
A Mama with 2 Cents Worth to Share
amamas2centsworth.blogspot.com

Judith said...

I have read so many wonderful wants of mothers and its all about what they want for their children. my thing is the wants of a mother should be for herself as she is the giver, norturer, caring, guiding, and so mother but what about her own wants, who takes care of her so mothers need to step back and say..hey! i have wants too, I want a massage, a movie night out with the gals, a vacation,a new dress, a dinner treat, so what about me? what is your comment?

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