Friday, February 12, 2010

"f" is for fiber


or ferocious farts, or odoriFerous poop(f)s....okay maybe not that one. but you get what i'm putting down.
no?
well let me explain in a story.
it goes a little like this:
so katie had been holding her poops. yes, you read it right. holding.her.poops. as in she wouldn't have a bowel movement for days. and sometimes we moved into the week and half category.
that does not make for a happy colon. and coincidentally it makes for a stressed out anxious mother as well. uh yeah that would be me.

and now because my mother reads this from time to time...it makes for an over the top, stressed out gramy, who will bombard me with newspaper article clippings on poop incidents where things ended fatally, phone calls with "has she pooped yet?" as the greeting, and a nightly rosary will be dedicated so that my daughter will feel the urge to poop.
hi mom love you. put down the rosary, please don't worry, the story ends well. read on.

anywho,
so what is a family to do?
well, we have been trying to add more fiber to our meals. like peas, raisins, and whole wheat spaghetti, full of fiber cereals and so forth.
jake made up a cheer he does for her while on the toilet "push it out, push it out wwaaaaaaaaaay out!" he even tries to do a cheer leading something or other while doing the cheer. i would record and post it on u-tube, but i think that would be grounds for divorce.

but still katie held her poops.
ugh.
so to the doctor we went.
laxatives, and suppositories were included to the already high fiber diet.
diarrhea happens...and the mother is not so anxious anymore.
all is well in the colon for a few months...
and then, it starts happening again.
crossing of the legs, closing of the sphincter, concentrated looks from katie, and screaming "NOOOO I DON'T WANT TO!!! YOU EVIL EVIL WOMAN!!!!" when i try to have her sit on the toilet to poop.
"crap" (not literally)"...not again!" i think

so we went back to pull ups in hopes that maybe she would just let go in those or in diapers, and we start adding more bowel moving foods including "live active" puddings, and yogurts, more apples, vitamin C. okay, you get it.

and the cheers in the bathroom resume.

i start noticing that the puddings are leaving the refrigerator a lot faster than katie can eat them. so i ask the boys "are you guys eating the chocolate pudding?"
"yes." in unison they answer, including the husband.
"guys! that's for katie! she needs those."

as the boys walk away (including the husband) with their heads hung low, and disappointment in their hearts, my husband returns with a brilliant plan.

husband: (in hushed voice and looking so no unsuspecting ears catch his brilliant plan) hey...how about we get metamucil? you know that fiber supplement old people take. yeah, why don't we just cook with it, like put it in soup and put it in her juice?
me: hahaha! haha...ha...ha...oh you're serious. okay. uh...hmmm...well next time i go to the store i'll see what they have.

so i did and i got the clear soluble stuff with no taste.

and i started to add it to EVERYTHING. while i was at it, i thought "you know, if adding fiber is good for your diet well then i'll do this for everyone".

unbeknown to my kids of course.
"oh you want hot chocolate? SURE!" make hot chocolate with metamucil.
"oh you want juice? SURE!" add some metamucil to the cup.
when i cooked, i added metamucil.

by this point everyone was clueless as to the added fiber in their diet. everyone was happy go lucky and all was well.
well except katie, she still wasn't regular.

so then my husband got another brilliant plan
husband: (in hushed voice looking around so unsuspecting ears would not over hear) i'm going to make a gallon of chocolate milk and add the amount of metamucil per cup in it and that way she will get a little extra as well.

well, just like any set of growing boys should, our boys saw that gallon of chocolate milk and they hooted and hollered and like vultures started circling it and kept asking "can we have that? is that okay to have? can we have that, can we... canwecanwe?!"
"sure, i don't see why not." i give my husband a questioning look.
he shrugs.

okay keep in mind we are now on like day 5 of metamucil being added to things, the boys are all very regular, and that week even a little more so i would say.

they drank happily and so did katie.
my husband calculated aprox 187 grams of fiber in that container.

and then it happened.
DAY 6
me: smelling the air..."ew what is that smell? seriously did one of you fart?"

side note: DAY 6 is the day that i guess the combination of the "live active" puddings and metamucil collide and create some nasty gaseous material in your bowls. just thought you should know.

husband: having the fart reach his nose "ohmygosh! WHO DID THAT?!"
boy #2: "uh that was me. sorry."
husband: with tears coming out "seriously, dude, impressive, but it smells like something crawled up your butt and died. GO TO THE BATHROOM".
boy #2: "i don't have to go to the bathroom.:"
husband: uh the odor that just made my nose hairs burn out of my head and made my eyes tear up tells me otherwise. GO.NOW."

no more than 3 minutes he was back.
and probably a few pounds lighter.
with a smile on his face, and a Nickelodeon magazine under his arm. (totally kidding on the magazine, but doesn't that just paint the picture perfectly?)
boy #2: wow my poops come out REALLY fast!

that next week our house stunk. our toilet was clogged on a few occasions, and while lying in bed me and my husband's stomachs would have growling conversations.
mr v and co moaned one night "oooohhhh my stomach is not right!"

but everyone was regular.
like clock work actually.

in the middle of all this katie finally did it.

katie: mom! i push in the toilet! (katie language "i am finally letting go of my control issues and i need to take a dump in the toilet!")
and so we did.
and we called dad from the bathroom and left a message on his work phone.
he called back super happy.
and all was happy in the christenson's colons.
but we're seriously thinking that someone needs to invent a toilet with a garbage disposal attachment option.
and someone needs to invent an air freshener that is attached to your fart-hole.

i'm just saying.

oh and yes, katie now is quite regular, and she announces quite happily as she leaves the bathroom to all the boys "i pooped!"
and just like great wonderful older brothers do...
they jump up and get super happy for her all the while giving her high fives as she goes down the line. she then turns around and in slow motion does a victory dance and jumps up in the air only to have it freeze frame and have the credits roll up.

true story.
the end.


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130 comments:

Angela said...

Thanks for the laugh! I can totally understand the bowel issues. I have a little one who has had issues since he was a baby. (We use lots of Benefiber here.)

Greg said...

Poor Katie... Glad to read eveything worked itself out. If the boys are looking for a new cheer try this one.. "Throw your hands up high and your butt down low, and push that poop into the bowl". They can make up their own dance!!

Carolyn said...

OMG how hilarious! You owe me a new keyboard. I spewed coke all over it. Too, too funny and I'm so glad to know everybody is "regular". LOL

BTW, I ADORE your blog! :)

Tiffany said...

Hilarious! The tears in my eyes are from laughing! Thanks for that!!

junglewife said...

Ha ha ha! That was too funny!!!

Edie said...

Oh, my!! I haven't laughed so hard in forever - thanks for the great story.

Vintage Sew and So said...

LMO, have a son with the same issues & at the moment my house smells like yours. No one told us we would have to deal with these kinds of things.
X Kerri

the thrifty ba said...

love this story!
poo talk is very normal in my home (thanks to 2 little boys and one big one). when my baby was 4 he would walk out of the bathroom proudly announcing that he 'dropped a duce'.
aahhhh...

Tonya's Sewing Room said...

love the story, so funny and entertaining. my son is 8 and horrible "colon" issues.

Aimee said...

I am laughing my rear-end off-- and I don't laugh this early in the morning!!! HILARIOUS, I say.

trish said...

Oh my goodness Vanessa! I read this out loud and my husband is over here crying because he is laughing so hard! :o) Too funny. :o)
Glad it all came out in the end - no pun intended. :o)
I blogged about our little scrap purchasing the other day. :o) I now have 7 squares sewn and that leaves 92 to go! ha !
-Trish

The Stiffs said...

I'm so sorry. I went through this with my daughter. It was horrible. A teaspoon of mineral oil in a glass of apple juice every day was our magic trick. Glad things are better now even if a little stinky.

Honey said...

My oldest daughter held her poopie too!! I was taken back in time while reading your post. I was also laughing so hard I scared my cat. HAAAAAAAA! I am so happy she decided that "going" was an ok thing to do. You are a very sweet family. :)

jaybird said...

how in the world you ever typed this.. i don't know!! but thank you.. it was the laugh i needed... i won't share my story... but you already know it... but add this post to "my kids may need therapy one day"

Lisa said...

Oh, so funny! You are a wonderful writer!

We have the same issue at our house. My older son actually had to be hospitalized for it once. Be on the alert when your daughter goes through life changes, such as starting school. It can be a trigger because it all boils down to a control issue.

I guess it's all my fault over here, because I did the same thing. As a little girl I told my mom that "Pooping is gross and I am not going to do it anymore." So I stopped. LOL! I am getting it back in spades!

Katie said...

YOu seriously have me laughing out loud.

My husband- whats so funny?? Me- Oh, this gal, whom I have never met but feel like I've gone to lunch with on several occasion, is hilarious. And her life! Oh my. Crazy:)

Thanks for starting my day out just right:) -Katie@ hipposanddinosaurs.blogspot.com

Carmen said...

Woo hoo for poop! This made me laugh out loud. Being regular is very important at our house too. My kids take the chewable fiber tablets. I hope you all stay regular. hehe

greendoodle said...

you are killing me, funny girl!

Carrie said...

Hilarious! I can't stop chuckling! It sounds like something that would happen at our house. Thanks for the giggle

Cheryl said...

Oh my V, bless your heart. That story was tooo funny the way you told it. My daughter was asking me why I was laughing.
On a serious note though, my son was the same way when he was potty training. LOL, we took the metamucil route too. Unfortunately, it wasn't clear then. Only the orange kind. You can also try flax seed as well. Man, that stuff works wonders.
So glad there was a happy ending to the story. Loved the high fives at the end.

~linds said...

This had me about on the floor laughing and I'm at work, which is a little awkward to explain.

We've had the same issues with my daughter with-holding on occasion so I've been there done that (which is what makes it so much more amusing!).

tarya_arienne said...

This story made me laugh out loud in the middle of a lecture (a very dull one!). I think it's made my week!

Laurie said...

You are too funny! My husband is in the other room asking why I'm laughing so hard! It just wouldn't understand..he's a regular guy! Me..not so much!

Glad things are working better at your house!

On the Bright Side said...

Classic! It took me a minute to get what you meant by a toilet with a garbage disposal unit in it. But when I got it, I was like, yes! That's brilliant! Someone needs to invent that!!!

This was so funny. I'm going to fwd it to my husband for a good laugh. Thanks!:)

Robin said...

You are hilarious! Good for Katie!!!

rachel griffith said...

our previous phone conversation:

katie: "rachel, i push!!"
me: "yayyy!!! katie."

the end.

Charity said...

Okay this post had me laughing so hard, I from now on I will remember the Metamucil for my little ones!

Keriann said...

Ok now as soon as the tears fillling up my eyes subside I plan to at a little "something something" to the pancakes I'm about to make! We have "poop" issues in our house too!


THANKS FOR THE LAUGH!!! Seriously I haven't laughed that hard in way too long!!

"Lois Grebowski" said...

bwahahahahahaahhaahahaha....

Tricia said...

Oh.My. Literally LoL. Unable to type full sentences. 2 y.o. just asked "Mama. You otay?"
HILARIOUS!!
Oh, and a little mid-winter window opening to air out the house can be a good thing too. ;)

Jamie Pearson said...

Wow that story was sad and funny. I'm headed to Vegas tomorrow and was wondering where you shop for your fabric when you are there. Thanks

Mary on Lake Pulaski said...

You have a way with words and a way with your family - both wonderful V!
Yup, brings back memories of when mine were that age.

The McIntyre Family said...

Laughing so hard right now!!! I totally understand...my daughter has had problems since she was a baby. We switched formulas several times thinking that was the problem and with no luck there we finally resorted to dark Kyro syrup in every bottle. We were told she would grow out of it. Now, almost 3 I am wondering when. Let's just say Apple Juice is a staple in this house and I am seriously thinking about buying stock in it...lol!

Leila said...

Huh, that flax seed comment explains some smells in our neck of the woods. I added flax seed to the last two batches of granola I made. My poor husband keeps on asking, "what did you eat?"

My sister had pooh issues growing up. After years of adding fiber and trying lots of things they finally figured out that she had a low level allergy to milk. She stopped drinking glasses of milk and her poohs stayed more regular.

Kim's Treasures said...

OMG TOO FUNNY!!! Well, not really, cuz we've been there... done that!!! LOL!

*katie said...

I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard! So glad everything is normal now:)

girlsmama said...

Totally awesome. Mary had the same issue as katie, She had to take Miralax for a few years! Glad Katie is on the up and up, or more appropriately the out and out.

Jeanette said...

Laughing so hard I am crying!! That was hilarious! I have faced this same tramua too! So frustrating, our doctor told us that it can happen on and off until they hit about 5 yrs old. Good luck!

melissa said...

we have made up a few "pooping" songs/cheers ourselves. miralax (now over-the-counter) works wonders. it is what the doctors at stanford prescribed for avery. it also tasteless, so you can add it to anything. danactive smoothies- DAILY also help. good luck! it is a constant battle for us and avery is almost 5 now! argg!

Jennifer said...

Thank you for this story, I now know that my family is normal.... or your family and my family is weird!!!
p.s Nickelodeon magazine, I totally see it!

Amy said...

I think I love reading your blog a little more now. tee hee!

Amanda said...

Hilarious, if my husband wouldn't have been in class, I would have told him. There is no way I could have texted all that:)

Megan said...

This reminds me of when Fiber 1 products were on sale... bars & cereal. And I forget that when my hubby eats cereal, he eats like half a box. and then he ate 2 or 3 of those bars. Let's just say his coworker was glad they were working on a roof that day (he does construction) so the air could carry the smells away. but my hubby was sad that he had to use the portapotty. hahahaha Thanks for the giggle today!

Veronica said...

I was having a very rough morning and then I read your post. I almost wet my pants laughing. Thank you and I'm glad everyone is "regular" at your house now.

Dawn said...

Oh-this was so funny!! My older daughter had the same problem-she used to hold it in too-I guess it's not that uncommon. I burst out laughing when you talked about the cheer-it was almost like ours-push it out, push it out, yeah, yeah, yeah-I can't believe others do that too!!! I never thought I'd ever get so many phone calls asking if she went the bathroom. Glad you found something that worked-it took us alot longer. Here's to being regular!!

Rachel Carlson said...

OH. MY. GOODNESS. your posts need to come with 'drinking' warnings. no worries, i'm wiping the coffee off the keyboard now. i even peed myself a little from laughing so hard, oops, overshare. i have a similar problem in my old age (just over 40) BUT i have these awesome things i eat with plenty of fiber: cliff bars and my favorite WASA hearty crispbread - YUMMO. thanks for the giggles. hugs!

Anonymous said...

omg! you are TOO FUNNY! i have never commented before, though read your blog regularly...funny how a pinecone wreath can make me so giddy and excited BUT I CAN'T COMMENT, but talking about poop and farts and smells, brings me out laughing! glad you are all regular - yeah katie! have a fabulous farty friday!

Doty Family said...

Tears are streaming down my face. I spirt the orange I was eating all over the desk and my kids came to see what was going on. Hilarious!! I love it!

SummersDesigns said...

That was hilarious. Thanks for the laughs!

Vanessa said...

Seriously I had tears rolling down my face I was laughing so hard. My little boy had the same issues and I empathize.

Love the imagery of the high-fives! Gotta love brothers.

Kellie said...

TOO FUNNY!! HAHAHA!! and great writing!! :)

Karen said...

That is a totally excellent story! So well written and so 'real life'. Love it.

Robin (rsislandcrafts) said...

Love the story! Isn't it amazing what we will go through to help our kids poop?

amylouwho said...

I love you for posting this! HILARIOUS!!!

Jaybird tells me you have a story about her and Target and a red cupcake stand....

amy smart said...

So funny - and we can SO relate at this house. My #3 is almost 6 and still lives in denial that his colon creates solid waste that needs to leave his body - and will for the rest.of.his.life! Sometimes it drives me absolutely crazy! Some how it makes me feel better to know that we aren't the only ones. :)

Donna and Joe said...

This story was a great giggle at the end of a LONG workday!

CitricSugar said...

This is one heck of a story. Funny how a story about over-continence can render one completely incontinent....

Too funny! Glad that the entire family is walking a little taller!

kersten said...

hahaha! Disgustingly graphic. I could almost smell it. Quite hilarious!

Marci said...

and there is the reason i love vanessa.:D

L Johnson said...

I have not laughed that hard in a long time! You are an awesome writer and an even more awesome Mom!!!!! Thank you for sharing your family with me!!

Heather Gragg said...

Great laugh! Funny that in my household it's the exact opposite. My 4 year old son has to have a BRAT diet to harden his stools. I don't know which could be worse! But, I have to say I love the solution you came up with!

michele said...

v--uh, thanks for making me laugh like an idiot in the middle of the embassy suites lobby. because we are away for the weekend....and i was having "blogger" DTs....and, well, i used the complimentary internet kiosk in the lobby so i could read your blog. thanks.a.lot. LOL

Carolyn J. said...

great story - your writing is wonderful.......brought back memories of 20 years ago with my daughter. the dr. kept telling me that we weren't the only family dealing with this, but no one talked about it.......seriously you should write one of those little, silly yet true books for parents with children and potty issues.......thanks for the laugh!!!

TaraB said...

I'm still laughing! I live with all boys and totally understand the poops and farts. I think it is all my sons talk about some nights.

Thanks for the great laugh!! and knowing that my family is also normal.

Jennifer said...

Hahaha! I just laughed until I cried! You're not a mom until you have a few good "poop" stories...I've got a few, let me tell you! Thanks for the laugh!

Anonymous said...

:) I'm the result of stoppage after 20 years without the help of fiber as a kid. Its not always the happiest body to have. Try Miralax, less gas and less stink :). (My OB gives it to her little daughter almost daily, you can't taste it and it dissolves in any drink) I wish my parents had used fiber, because now I have other problems :( I looked online a couple years ago because my son was having issues. And I read that if we ignore the urge to go to the bathroom for whatever reason, no time, fear, etc. Then our bodies stop feeling that urge, and we get stopped up. I hope things can stay on track!

beewitchinstitchin said...

OMG! You crack me up. That's one of the funniest stories I have heard in, like, a r.e.a.l.l.y long time. Thanks for sharing and I'm glad everything came out alright; really, everything!

Ashley said...

hilarious. we've got fiber issues at our house. i think the most embarrassing thing is when I go to Costo to stock up on benefiber at rebate time....i get the limit which is usually about 9. i always get the question: "are ALL of these YOURS?" Sienna then replies to the cashier: "these are Daddy's coffee."

Sarah said...

I was laughing so hard that the tears came too. My 4 year old is having "issues" with that very same thing. He goes once a week, if I am lucky. I am going to have to try the fiber thing, but I think I will just limit it to him. I don't know that my house could take a stinky family of 6 and neither could our old toilets!! Thanks for sharing and I am glad every thing came out okay!!

Renee said...

omg It's not often that I laugh out loud at a blog post - but gosh that made me laugh and laugh!!! Very nicely written!

Glad to hear all is well with Katie and her colon! I hope it stays that way :)

Anonymous said...

HYSTERICAL!

Erin said...

Thanks for the laugh tonight - I seriously needed it! I have a pretty stinky boy in this house too. He has his 26 month old sister tooting and laughing about it - ah life with boys!

Deb said...

I have tears dripping down my chin (not attractive) on my gosh that's funny. I feel your pain though, been there. I made a friendly felt poo (we still have it somewhere) I did everything. The best thing to know (for next time) is that if they are blowing they can't hold on, so think bubble mixture and balloons in the bathroom. Truely, I kid you not, the doctor told me and it did work. But my goodness you are funny, funny funny.

Collette@Jesuslovesmums said...

I love love love this story! I had similar problem with my son and now my 3 year old daughter. It is mega stressful isn't it?

Thank you for being so honest and funny! Love your blog and your projects inspire me no end.
Love COllette xxx

Claire said...

oh what a funny story - probably not while you were living it but out the other side its funny......my daughter also had poop issues and has now thankfully grown up into an almost 10 year old who gives the boys in our house a run for their money....so great work to katie and well done to you and mr v

Laurel said...

Oh my goodness, hilarious! And a great method to try with our little boy who has issues such as these! :)

stewbert said...

oh man. wish i'd thought of that when my daughter was stool withholding ... the kid tore herself because of it. BAH.

congrats. :D

Becky said...

oh
my
lordy

I can't stop laughing. And I am so glad that I am not the only Mom that is amused by what we (now that the kids are grown) call "shitty stories."

I was sitting here laughing and pulling my shirt up over my nose as if I could smell it from here!

By the way, you do know that Katie will exact revenge on you for telling this in public!! ;) You know, later, when she is in her teens...............

Sandy said...

That. Was. Awesome.

Stefanie Britt said...

It's all about the Miralax here. my husband and I take bets on how many times my 5 year olds poo has to circle the toilet before it can go down.
sooooo funny thanks V

especially delicious said...

In Europe they have what they call "macerators" in some toilets, or in other words, garbage disposals!

INSANITY ENJOYED said...

Thanks! I always love when a post actually does make me Laugh Out Loud.

Lacie @ Creative Attempts said...

this totally cracked me up!! and actually the little light bulb clicked on above my head I think I should do this for my family :)

Whimsical Creations said...

My daughter is doing the same thing! We use Miralax. She is fine for weeks and then we go back again.

Mimi Sue said...

Only mothers truly understand and can relate to your story. Glad everything turned out well in the end. Mimi

Shanade said...

Thanks for the laugh! My husband actually kicked me out of the bed because I was laughing so hard while reading. Glad all is well with Katie's colon.

jess said...

thanks for making me laugh so hard my desk started shaking! true story! hilarious!

Kari said...

that is a great story, and i think the disposal attachment is a GREAT idea. i did think the story was going to end with diarrhea for everyone, since I swear Metamucil did that to me. you have also made me want to buy the clear kind instead of the gross orange kind that i have to chug! and by the way, i'm not an old lady because i sometimes drink it...i'm just having a hard time with my poops since i had my baby! six months ago. :) i'm sure you wanted to know. by the way, i have my no sew wreath from SYTYC hanging up!

The Studes said...

all i want to say is... poor little girl, gross and hahaha at the same time...

glad everything can out ok in the end (haha poo humor)

cyn said...

Great story- and I can totally empathise. Going the the (no) motions with our 3 1/2 yr old daughter, Maya. Guess you are on board the same crap (literally) train as us! Toot, toot. All aboard!

Skip and Faun said...

Seriously... I needed that! You just crack me up! Glad Katie is regular; I remember you telling me about the problem back in December!!! Holy! that's a long time to battle the poops... Glad it's all under control and your mother can now sleep at night.

calicodaisy said...

Tears! Such a good story!

Marie said...

Ok, I am laughing so hard!!

Michelle said...

oh my gosh, thanks for the laughs!!! It was even funnier to me since I have a couple intestinal diseases so any story dealing with fiber, potties, & farting just cracks me up!!! hehe Funniest line a movie ever... Can I get a courtesy flush?! (Austin Powers)

Jennifer said...

Oh my goodness, I read this and was laughing so hard, trying to explain to my husband what was so funny, when my daughter (21 months) ran over to me and said, "Mommy, poopoo diaper!" How appropriate! Hilarious!

Tina said...

Thank you for the great belly laugh. It has been a very long time since I had any of theses issues, but just hearing your story made me laugh out loud. My youngest (now 14) asjked me what I was laughing about so I had her read your post. She had tears rolling down her cheeks and was holding her tummy. After we had both pulled it together, She said"mom that soulds like the story you tell about me when I first went to pre-k." She has such empathy for your litle gal.

Debb said...

Oh, my gosh... I thought my family was the only one with "poop" issues... we've gone the route of "No Poop" to "Too Much Poop" and we never seem to find a happy place to be... oh, I am so glad to know others have these problems... is there a facebook group for this?? just asking

Trisha said...

I love it! This is hysterical! I love that we are not the only ones to have experienced this kind of "control issue"! My son who is now much older used to strip down buck naked to poop! Road trips were a blast. I could hear my husband yelling from the mens room, "seriously, your shoes have to come off, in the gas station bathroom?" Well one day I asked why and he said, "I don't want poop getting on my clothes or shoes." What is it flying around?

By the way...a slightly simpler but not nearly as funny aid may be the fiber one bars. They also will set your tummy to gurgling and stinking it up..but taste good and keep everything moving. I forbid them in my home because disgusting smell! But hey, you may not be quite so offended!

Sally said...

Great story!!!!

Becky said...

I just laughed so hard I cried!

madrekarin said...

I read this post the other day and laughed so hard that I caused a coughing fit and had to go take a nap. (I've had the flu and so needed that good laugh!) I just remembered that I never came back to comment and tell you that you are not alone in dealing with this issue. I have a son with mild Cerebral Palsy who went through a phase where it was difficult for him to let go. Then it all changed and he had difficulty controlling when he went, which left me following behind him picking up the poop balls that would emerge from his pant legs for quite a number of years. I've slid and stepped in my fair share of missed messes and am grateful that now, at almost 24, he can tend to the matter himself.
I still watch where I'm walking though.

Pots and Pins said...

When my son was little he had similar issues...and finally, after trying everything, I took him to the doctor, who x-rayed his abdomen and said he was full of "backed-up stool"...the next day , my son said he could not go to school because he was full of "backed-up STALL"...he couldn't remember the word...and he still says, at age 25, that he's got "backed-up stall!" Well duh...being backed up IS being stalled...but I'm just happy I no longer have to be involved! Loved your post - and if someone does invent those things you mentioned, please let us KNOW!

Purple Quilter Queen said...

Another great Katie story! Awesome job girl!!
Jenn

Lisa said...

That was a great read! I laughed so hard. I totally sympathize though. I have two chronically constipated children and it isn't pretty.

julia said...

thats for the laugh today I needed one so funny:)

Nina Patricia @ The Adventures of Nina Patricia said...

being that I'm one of those people with "control issues" I sincerely appreciated Katie. This was soooo funny :)

Rebecca Woods said...

I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Thank you so much for your story. I have had the same problem with my now 9 year old daughter for as long as I can remember and she still has trouble sometimes. I understand your 'aroma' problems and all. Thank you for sharing Hee Hee. Hope she continues to get the loads off her mind :)

JJ said...

....I am laughing, out loud...what a great story!

Candice said...

That is hilarious! I read parts of that to my family and we all got a good laugh. I'll have to remember the metamucil idea if I my last potty training child needs it. Funny!

KarrieLyne said...

Oh. My. Goodness!! I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. You definitely have a way with word...lol

By the way, if you ever find that invention, the air freshener attached to the "fart hole", please do let me know..lol!

Dogwood said...

Oh sweet lady...how did I ever miss this blog! Your true story is so funny! I was totally into the story and hung on to each word to the very end! Hurrah for Katie. I love it. Love to hear more cute stories of you family.

Ricki said...

Not even making this up...my word verification is "sphit"

That was such a funny post, thank you for making my whole day :)

Tracy J said...

Awesome funny post! We had an incident once when Fiber One bars first came out. My tween age girls thought they were delish, and were eating like 3 a day. Long about the 3rd day the air was not pretty in our house, and they came home from school with tales of woe.

Lisa said...

Oh my GAWD! I was laughing so hard I had to leave the computer halfway through to compose myself enough to finish seeing the scene!
Thanks so much for sharing your wonderfully funny story of everyday family life!! It's always nice to know your family is not alone in the boat!! :)

ps - I also get those phone calls from mom and MIL!

Jess said...

I laughed so hard! Thanks so much for sharing!

Donna S. said...

omigosh we went thru the same thing with my granddaughter. What is it about girls & their poop!! And her Dad did about the same cheer!! Your hubby sounds a lot like my son.

Brie said...

We refer to this as "poop talk" in our house! I also made up a song for my daughter when she was potty training - now we all walk around the house singing it, humming, it, dancing to it. I love how its a totally necessary bodily function, but oh so funny.

Melissa said...

I am dying! SO FUNNY! My daughter has the same issue at times and I always am sneaking miralax into things for her. Maybe I should give the Metamucil dip a go for her.

Donna said...

You can get a Ventex toilet with the fan built right into the toilet. We have them in our home. The only problem is that you forget you are human until you use someone else's toilet and the reality wafts up your nose.

Paula Prass said...

Oh, I must jump on this poop wagon. I'm cry laughing here. Too bad I didn't see the humor when my daughter did the same thing (she's 35 now). It lasted for yrs and I had to get counseling, seriously. There's a whole psychology of why those little rascals do that. Anyway, thanks to you and to the whole family, even your mom! Now I gotta read the comments...need more laughs.

rockgranny said...

You made my day;I haven't laughed so hard for ages

Mel Titus Tsai said...

Oh my goodness! I just jumped over here from Made by Dana, and I seriously was laughing so hard I was crying. I think that story just about made my week, thanks for the laugh, and the resulting ab workout :)

Laura said...

That was so funny! I am tearing up and my husband has gone to the silent laugh! My kids totally call diarrhea "fast poops"!

mamaTAVE said...

I am dying... That is freaking hilarious!!! I mean, only because it all worked out. ;-)

Amy said...

I am laughing so hard I am crying! My daughter totally has the same problem. Her main issue is..umm...size...once compared to a burritto I am not 100% sure out these ...umm...poops...make it out of her! They are freakin' huge and poor baby they are hard to get out...maybe I should metamucil up her food!

Birdie R. said...

My friend Lindsay forwarded your blog to me because, We are sisters in arms, on this subject. Question? Regular adult metamucil or childrens'. We have been using childrens' without much success.

I like the chocolate milk idea. I will definately try it.

Joy said...

OMG! This made me laugh out loud! I am totally trying the metamucil trick with my 4 yr old...she's needs it and I was out of fiber ideas a picky 4 year old would actually eat.

Emily said...

So I'm having one of those awful cry about life days. Sad tale. But, I read this and laughed out loud. The whole post. So, yeah, it's gross. But thanks for grossing me out into a more cheered up state. You rock.

Erin said...

I just found your blog...I think it rocks...

BTW this is the funnest freakn' thing I have read! You and your husband and boys sound just like my family. We don't have a little girl, and the good Lord know that no one in this house has bowel issues, but the fart and poop conversations are all there. Thanks for the laugh. I am adding you to my blog reader! Can't wait to see what you post next.

Ellie said...

I'm new to your blog and have spent way too much time today reading old posts! Thank you for the insights, ideas and laughs--this post made me LOL. Keep it up!

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