Tuesday, January 6, 2009

soul searching...


with GI Joe being in the states it makes it that much more "real" that we are almost at the end of this year long deployment. this last year i have gotten a taste of how it is to be a single parent. i salute those women who don't have "just a year" alone. this last year has seen me more on my knees in prayer and in tears. but one thing is for sure, i'm really lucky to of experienced it because i feel like i'm walking away a much better person (a little rough and frazzled around the edges, with smoke coming off of my singed hair, but still better). sure i can say that because it's almost over and hind sight is 20/20. my heart goes out to those women and their families that are just starting or are in the middle of or that just got notice to get ready for deployment. i can feel the anxiety, fear, pride, anger all mixed into one ball all over again for them. just know you are not alone, as i have found, those wives left behind to live their lives without their spouse become some of your best-est friends, those women who have already been through a deployment or many deployments will become your pillars to lean on, use them. and lastly those wonderful women who have never been through a deployment and know nothing about the military lingo, who don't know what a MOS is, or how it is to be a military wife, will give you love, support, cookies, babysitting , and words of encouragement, take them.
i've been asked time and time again "how do you do it?" my answer is "you just do, you don't have a choice, except one, it can either be hell every single day because you make it that way, or you make the best of the situation and put a damn smile on your face." sometimes it works other times chocolate works with some crying, and a couple of good army wives to nod and know exactly how you are feeling. but all in all it's in the attitude.
and now we are embarking on a new journey, the "getting used to having dad around" journey. i'm glad to be getting ready to "get on with it" but i'm also finding that i will need to re-adjust my daily schedule to include the man i married back into my life. i will have to get used to not sleeping on his side of the bed, i'm going to have to get used to not reading till all hours of the night and i think the hardest one is going to be having to get used to cooking more than peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, or cereal for dinner!
so i'm getting on with it, i'm making dinners, actual dinners (the kids are not happy), tonight i'm attempting to sleep on my side of the bed, i'm in full force ahead mode to organizing the house and my time. i'm making myself slow down in the reading dept. (seriously 4 books in 5 days is a little over board) and i'm getting ready. getting ready to finally have him back in our lives.

31 comments:

Familia Alba said...

Congratulatioons Vanessa! It is wonderful to get used to the love of your life again. You are such a corageous woman! :)
Marta

Rambling Girl said...

V I am so happy for you...gosh your making me cry....I know eactly how being single with a child is...I did it for many years and was not because of the military...I just had a hubby/father that thought alcohol was better and so for us it was a big adjustment in life but a better one.

I know how much your kids will be excited that daddy is home.

Kinsey Pistorius said...

I'm so excited for you that Jacob is coming home soon and that he is safe and sound. It has been quite the journey for all of you I am sure but you have made it through and have a lot to be proud of! Keep us all posted and tell him we said WELCOME HOME!!! :)

jenny said...

wow...loved reading your words...so inspiring. i have no experience as a military wife..however i work at a Veteran's hospital and often see and hear about families going through transitional periods.

Got to your blog from Camille's :)

Laura said...

I am so happy for you to have your man back. Amazing strength this last year handling it all on your own. Hopefully this can be a great year for your whole family!!!!

burg3g said...

I couldn't have put it better. A deployment is all in the attitude. Deployments are like money. They bring out your true character. Give a man a million dollars and see how he uses his life. Give a spouse a deployment and you'll see how they find the strength and courage that was deep inside of them.

I do have to admit I'm also not looking forward to making dinner again either;)

girlsmama said...

V, what a poignant post. For those of us who have never done it, I don't think I though about readjusting to having J home again. It will probably be bittersweet. Wonderful to have him home safe, but a little tricky to reestablish all of the routines. You will all be in our prayers. Love, J

Lisa said...

oh V, what an exciting time in your family!!!
I bet the kids are about ready to burst with the excitement of Daddy coming home.
It will be a huge adjustment for you all... but a great one!

Kara said...

Crap! We have to cook? and share a bed again? and I can't let the house be a disaster anymore? Oh it will be so worth it though, having them back.

Marie said...

Vanessa, I love ya to death! You are amazing!

Tanya said...

V....you are amazing! I read your blog everyday to "lift me up". For real! You are quite an inspiration to me in so many ways, and I have only met you for a short bit dropping off patterns. You are grand, in so many meanings of the word!!! Thank you!

Double D said...

Yeah! You are on the last stretch...and you are so strong! You have always been strong and I'm not surprised that you have kept it all together. Thank you for sharing your journey. It has given us all more strength and desire to do better. Love ya, Joddy

KaYLiN said...

Ok so I totally started crying reading this post. I have NO idea what it would be like to be so strong but I see you do it everyday and my hat's off to you. You are such an inspiration to not only me but to many women in our community- YOU GO GIRL! Oh and reading that your husband is now on American soil yeah that gave me the cold chills it makes me so happy for you and your family!!

Inspired Kara said...

Thank you for opening up your home, heart, and craft room to us and sharing your story. Your strength is inspiring, but more importantly your honestly is humbling. Thanks.

Team Clark said...

You know what's funny is that whenever I look at your "days of deployment left" I swear it drops down about 30 numbers. Wasn't it just a few weeks ago that you hit the 99 mark and you were so excited? And now he'll be home in a month? Crazy.
I'm so happy for you, Vaness. You are amazing and the Lord loves you and I'm so glad you will have your husband home so very soon.
Thanks for being such a fantastic person.

lisa said...

I read your post today, and it brought tears to my eyes. It was only a few years ago that I was answering that same question of how do you do it, and you know I answered in just the same way. It looks like we are looking at deployment again soon (I might need to borrow your service flag button). This time it is going to be a lot different for me because now I will be going though it as a mommy. But you are right. I think I just needed to hear my own advice. I will probably need to hear it a lot over the next year.

SLO Rober said...

"Whew" That's me heaving a sigh of relief that hubby is on american soil. Thanks for the daily insights into your life. I look forward to it.

Aimee said...

Amen. Trying to do the same - thanks for your post.

lera said...

I'm so happy it's nearing the end. I know how hard it's been for our family when my GI husband has been away at various schools or just gone TDY every week. I really can't imagine a whole year of him gone. I know it's made me stronger. And, one day, I'll look back and wonder how I ever did it with six children. (That one day will be in three years when he retires. Can't. Wait. For. That. Day.)

MGF said...

I have just spent so much time on your blog. You are so encouraging. our words are simply and real.

Have a lovely day

rachel griffith said...

oh vanessa.
you make me cry.

i'm SO happy that jake is coming home to yall.
<3

Nancy said...

I'm sure you will re-integrate GI Joe back into your life and the lives of your children with grace. Of course there will be some bumps, that makes us enjoy the smooth, sweetness that much more. And thank you, your GI Joe and your children for your sacrifices on our behalf.

The Kings said...

I feel for you. It really is hard for people who have never spent more than a weekend away from their spouse to understand. It does take some time to get used to having him around again. These past 14 months that we've been in Korea together have been the longest that we've ever been together as a family at one time. I know a deployment is in our (hopefully distant) future but I dread it nonetheless. I'm so glad your year is almost over! Welcome Home Jake!

dreamingmama said...

Bless you and your family!!!

Deeanna said...

Great message again! I cried and laughed my way through. I think you're right about the military wives becoming such wonderful friends! That alone gets me through. And just FYI I had the talk with my kids that we are going to start having real dinners again too. I can just imagine all the army wives out their revamping their lives to better accomodate the all important person that is about to join them! You know we are all doing it.

LizzieD said...

You are so sweet! What a sigh of relief to know someone you love is back on safe(er) soil. God Bless the men, women and their families who allow the rest of us the luxury of freedom- THANK YOU!!!! Don't forget, it will be an adjustment for him, too.

When my husband is home on summer vacation (he is an elementary school Principal, I have to remember sticking to the mantra of "Jobbies before Hobbies" so I can enjoy my crafting without any guilt (i.e. already have a plan for dinner that night before I sit down to scrap!)

LizzieD said...

Oh- one more thing talking bout about "Hobbies"... next time you go to Joanns, take a look in their remnant bin. When a fabric is on sale in the store and there are pieces of it in their remnant bin, the price will be half off the SALES price, not the original price, so you get a double savings! This, unfortunately for said aforementioned husband, means I get 75% off of Home Dec fabrics in the bin when they are 50% off in the store. Just wanted to pass the info along to a fellow fabric fiend

Camille said...

Oh I love this post! I am one of those "don't know you you do it" people. I don't know how you did it, but YEAH that you are on the homestretch!! I'm so excited for you. NOW, about this whole- separated at birth thing. I AGREE. We have WAY too much in common!! LOVED your email- and debated on commenting or emailing back. Commenting won this time. ;-) Only because I haven't been to your blog in a while, and WOW you've been busy posting!

But it must be said, if there is an inferior twin, it's ME, because seriously girl, I do NOT have the knack at decorating and grouping that you do. I spent hours tonight, HOURS trying to rearrange all my stuff on shelves and things, and seriously considered driving up there to the middle of nowhere and kidnapping you until my house looked amazing. I'm not kidding. Although I really wouldn't kidnap you. But hey, how far are you away from here- we should hang out sometime!

Okay, this could go down as the longest comment ever. Probably should have emailed... anyway.... the blue on my walls is called valley view by Valspar (lowes) and I LOVE it. It's the perfect blue.

Not freaked out by your exuberance. Mainly because I'm pretty sure you aren't a crazy person. I could be wrong though...

Have a great one, twin!

c

Camille said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Teresa said...

Our nations is blessed because of families like yours- thank you-
I can't begin to understand how you do it when your husband is gone- When I was young and had children at home- when my husband left for a couple week on business I thought I had it bad-
Good luck- and Happy Day-Daddy's home.

Sonia said...

I'm glad you will have your dh back. I was an army wife for 8 years...luckily no year long deployments...but the army did manage to send my husband to Iraq during the birth of our first child. IT's a tough life...but you do what ya gotta do. Army wives don't get as much credit as they should ((hugs))

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