Tuesday, May 6, 2008

no wamies, no wamies....please nooo wamies

every morning i wake up and think "why can't it be saturday?" every monday i wake up and sigh, and say to my self "just so-n-so more days till school is out" every day i send out my 8 year old out my front door, i wonder "how's today going to be like?" every time the phone rings i cringe, and when i see that it's not the public schools # i instantly relax. even if it's a telemarketer, that's better than a phone call from school. bacause a phone call from school usually means bad things, and it means i'm going to drag my butt over two streets with the three kids remaining at home, carry katie, have kyle hang on my leg, and have ryan look at me like "what did he do now?" you know we all worry, it's a natural thing to worry, its actually a good thing to worry. if we didn't worry, we would be walking in front of cars not caring, or we would stand too close to cliffs and might fall down. but when worry turns to constant, and it starts damaging your personal life, the lives of those around you, and basically becomes a problem, it is then called anxiety. now dont get me wrong some kind of anxiety is good, just like worrying about some things, having anxiety over certain incidents is a good thing too. but when it starts impeding your life, and you are not allowed to do day to day tasks, it becomes a problem. same thing with sadness, happiness, imaginations, anything that the mind does is there for a reason, to morn, to bring joy, to create, to learn, bring caution, to help you function day to day...but when any one of these basic functions become "extreme" they start to impede daily life, and it becomes a problem. nate's always been a high strung full of life little boy, always ready for the next thing to happen. there were no markers a long the way for what we are dealing with now. which is why i have had a hard time giving what he's going through a NAME. the things that he's going through right now seem to correlate with a spectrum disorder, called pdd or as most people know it aspergers. it's in the same family as autism. and while nate is doing some of the things that are on the list for diagnosis for aspergers, he doesn't do some of the others. life goes on, but i cannot sit here and pretend that there isn't something different going on with my oldest. so for the time being we're calling it this, a spectrum disorder. and after the same diagnosis from two different specialists, nurology tests, and constant wondering of what am i doing wrong. i've done the denial, done the mourning, done the anger, and now i'm trying to make sure that i can be the best parent for this child who is having some major difficulties fitting in. and like i said havn't we all had times when we don't fit in, do something we weren't suppose to cause we didn't think it through? yes, we are human, but when these issues become a greater issue, and start impeding your life, and the lives of those around you, you must address it. and this my friends is what i'm doing. reading up on ways to help him, fighting the school to see him differently because of the diagnosis, trying to teach those that interact with him on a daily basis (including myself) that he not "wrong" he's just sees things in different ways or sometimes DOESN'T see things the same way. is it easy? no way. is it going to get easier? i don't know, i can only hope with my coaching i can help him. am i going to be able to make a differnce? i sure hope so. will this be forever? as time goes on and with coaching he will get closer and closer to knowing. am i sad? yeah, who wants to see their kid suffer? what does this mean for his future? nothing really, i mean it's not going to stop him from being a doctor, garbage man, computer programer, artist, lawyer, or whatever he decides he loves to do. can't wait to see what life throws at me next. like a pregnant goat, that would be hilarious....

13 comments:

haley said...

did the specialist say it was aspergers or did they say it was nothing???? a kid in my ward up has this- very mild, but his mom is a nurse and she said that they put him on a special diet (chocolate seems to make it worse some days) and it seems to help with some of the behavior issues. good luck. our prayers are with you!!!!

me & my thoughts said...

This would especially be so hard---doing it all without your husband around. Our prayers will be with your family!

The Christensons said...

yes he was diagnosed with a spectrum disorder.

Bonnie said...

Vanessa, I have such love and respect for all of you young parents today. Honestly, nearly everyone has something major to deal with this their kids. One lady explained it to me this way when I told her about Hazel. She said I just feel that Heavenly Father has so many wonderful sprites that need great families in this winding up scene...He is sending them all down now before Christ comes again. Yours is a most valiant generation and has been entrusted with far more than my generation seems to have been. Look at Jen and my Laura, and Kim, and many others. I am so thankful you all have each other...is it a coincidence you have all become such good friends? I wonder. Check out the post I did on Laura's son, Spencer this morning. God will bless Nate and you and Jake. Hang in there!

Marci said...

all i can say is that you really must be one of heavenly father's chosen daughters with a spirit the size of a mountain.
i feel so much for your little guy, it must be so hard and frustrating for him...and you. my prayers are there for ya honey, i wish we all lived closer so that we could help ease the burden a little.

girlsmama said...

Hi V, here is a link to the book I was telling you about. It talks about autism, PDD, and diet as well as other therapies. You are a valiant daughter of God and your efforts will benefit Nate. And your right he will overcome it and be whatever it is Heavenly Father needs him to be. Love you!

http://www.amazon.com/
Unraveling-Mystery-Pervasive-Developmental-Disorder/
dp/0767907981/ref=pd_bbs_6?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1210091452&sr=8-6

Nash said...

OH boy. I can't imagine how hard this must be for your whole family. I am wondering about the school, is it charter, montessori, public? Have you looked into another school? As far as his disorder, have you thought about a possible natural approach? I used to be very anti-holistic, but am changing my tune. My dad is very into it and has taken care of his wife's cancer, etc. I won't go into huge detail. BUT, at this point I imagine you would do anything. It sounds like your mom is into natural stuff. Check out drschulze.com. read up on his stuff, maybe it can help. I'd imagine my dad would say it will. I have only used their echinacea product, but we have been very healthy since, with the exception of a day here and there, but nothing extended. I know it's not that he has a virus, but maybe his body/mind could benefit from this.

giddygoat said...

One minute one hour one day at a time.
You are a super Mama!

The Christensons said...

my son doesn't like many foods, so he doesn't really eat much of junky stuff anyways, he's not a fan of chocolate, or cake or pretty much any sweet except skittles, so he's not getting too much sugar, he does like apple juice but i limit that.he will only eat fruits and veggis, and he likes meat and chicken, but only in specific ways, not with any sauces, and he wont touch any kind of spaghetti sauce. he pretty much has made himself a pretty "healthy eating" kind of kid. i just need to figure out how to introduce a little more calories and fat into his diet.

Mother of the Wild Boys said...

V,
My 2nd son was diagnosed with PDD 3 years ago. He also has Sensory Integration Disorder. We will be taking him in again soon, as he was only three years old at the time of his diagnosis. Hopefully they'll be able to give us a more specific diagnosis with the PDD.

Anyway, our son is in the Utah public school system...and I have been around the block a few times when it comes to what he needs. If you ever need a listening ear, or even advice, please contact me. Felicia has my email address.

I must praise you for your attitude toward this. It is difficult to handle, but I think you have a good perspective. Nate is so blessed to have such a caring and involved mom. I know it's hard to believe, but I've met MANY parents of Spectrum kids who try to ignore that anything is happening. :( You are doing the best for him by just being aware and involved.

There is a ton of info out there, but please remember to take it in slowly...you don't want to overwhelm yourself. Just take it a little at a time, with Spectrum kids little accomplishments are a big deal. :)

Sal Gal said...

Sometimes it helps to know what you're dealing with. If you ever have questions about the special ed process or your rights etc. please call me!!

How much can one person handle??? Hang in there!! We'll send up some prayers for all of you!

Sandy said...

Hi Vanessa - don't know if you remember me - we vaguely knew each other in third ward once upon a time and I knew your husband as a small kid in SLO (I'm friends with Amy and Alison). Anyway, since BOTH of them linked to your blog, I've been peeking from time to time and have to say that I have been totally inspired by you on a number of levels - things from dealing with kids to all the amazing things you create. I'm sure you feel that this post was voicing your frustration...but I can see a lot of hope and faith in what you said and if nothing else, your son will look back 20 years from now and know that his mother did not give up and did the best she could. Isn't that all we can hope for?:) And as a former special ed teacher...I have to say that I had many, many days teaching that I wished more parents had an attitude like you do. Many didn't think their kids would have a life after elementary school, or couldn't understand why no one could exactly pinpoint what was going on. I truly wished more parents took a more active role in finding ways to help their child rather than throwing their hands up and giving up, or just spending their time criticizing the school system. Sometimes the best thing to do...is to just keep trying:)

Hope you don't mind if I pop in from time to time!

Sandy (deGroot) Zent

Mae said...

Hi, this is Kate Rober's sister. I sometimes pop over and read your blog because you have interesting things to say (I'm not a fan of goats, either!) Kate and I have a niece that has High Functioning Autism. I think at first the family was thinking, "Uh oh, she has a *diagnosis*." But really it's just helped us all understand everyone's quirks. So hang in there, the Autism Spectrum isn't a death sentence. But it can be a roller coaster because every diagnosis is different with different triggers and different coping strategies. Once you start to figure these out, life gets a lot more managable!

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