Friday, March 7, 2008

i knew going in...




i guess where i made the mistake was when i was so optimistic thinking that THIS time it was going to be different. hello, my name is vanessa and welcome to what i like to call "my personal hell...walmart with all my kids"...


as i turn off the car, i turn to my children and say "okay recite the rules" they list them "no running, no yelling..." and the most important one "always one hand on the cart." okay off we go. i should of known though that it wasnt going to be that easy. nate had had 3 bad days in a row at school. and why would walmart be any different? "look mom i'm controlling myself!" were his famous last words as we approached the blasted box store. as i look at him i'm remembering the last few days, everything from almost breaking my favorite (and one of my only glass things around our house) yellow ware bowl, by "accidentally" chucking a stuffed animal at full speed in the kitchen, and dumping my freshly made tapioca down the sink "cause it looked weird", going into the back yard with toilet paper in hand proceed to poop, and wipe himself and when asked "why?" his answer is "buck does it" (okay that was a few months ago, but that memory flooded back) and sooooo many other little things i all of a sudden got this dark cloud come over me and the headache began. i can't tell at this point if it's just that the backpack with katie in it that is pressing on the wrong pressure points or if it's just anxiety flooding over my body, but the headache begins...as i load everyone up onto the cart, i already hear my first "wow, you've got your hands full" of the day, i smile and think "you have nooo idea lady." we turn the first corner and "poof" nate and ryan disappear. "what the..." that didnt' take long. "nathan and ryan, back over here or you don't get to spend your tokens like promised!" "poof" back, okay as i ignore all the stares of adults and children alike (i guess not too many people put their child in a backpack unless they are hiking? i'm a trend setter you just wait and see, after people see me the trend will be "leave home without them") okay back to it, we make it through some isles but not before we have to pass the toy section, that's an experience i always look forward to, let me tell you. i start smelling something rancid, "what is that?" i smell my hands then i look at kyle who smiles back and i go in to smell him "not you" "not me!" he chimes in, dang it lost the other two again! "yes they are all mine" to the question off in the corner. "i have to go peeee!" kyle yells. okay, "NATHAN AND RYAN! TOKENS" "poof" back. after the bathrooms, i get that smell again, "WHAT, is that? you two stop fighting." head to the grocery section "stop touching everything guys!" "yes i do have my hands full" smile...headache getting worse. for some reason i touch my hair, it's goopy, of course, "katie did you spit up in mommy's hair?" the smell has now been identified...okay whatever. keep trudging along. lets just say the next half hour doesnt change much until we get to the can section, i don't know what happened all i know is was looking at green beans and all of a sudden i turn around just in time to see the section of canned mushrooms in slow motion mind you start falling, first one by one then a whole mess of them and guess who's underneath them, yup nate. "oh crap" i run dust nate off, i look to see if he's okay "wow, that was a bad idea" (george castanza's dad "serenity now!" in my head over and over and over) *sigh* "lets pick it up" "mom i dropped my cat!" kyle..."hold on kyle" me. "okay nate one hand on the cart" "okay, i promise not to do that again!" lets hope so. we make it to the check out (they put the candy there just to make tired moms like myself cave in at the last moment but my thing is they put it there so i'm just going to let my kids make a mess of it and they can deal with it cause i don't have a problem saying "no" a million times) with a hundred "i dropped my cats" and another hundred "no you can't have that's" another "yes i have my hands full" and a "oops sorry ryan" when i ran him over with the cart, i finally get to my car. load everyone up, and off to KMART i go so the kids can spend their tokens on pokemon stuff. (our walmart doesnt carry any). that actually goes pretty well except that i look down at my cart when i load everyone up and realize that i have two things i didn't pay for in there, of course.... so i go back pay the $6 worth of things that i almost stole, and finally start the car. i know what can help the situation MCDONNALDS! so i get in the drive through and as i sit there, someone off to my left honks the horn, i look over but don't see anything, but when i look forward i see three teenagers giving me dirty looks, they thought i had honked at them! as i see their lips moving at me and hand gestures flying all over the place i say "no, no, no, that wasn't me!" oh whatever. i get my extra larges of everything, start wolfing, go to burger king cause my kids wont touch mcdonnalds for some reason, and then go to get gas, as i stand there, i see a cute little 20 something bouncing back and forth from one car to another, i stare, then look down at myself, with spit up running down onto my shirt from my hair, ketchup (nice) i didn't notice before on my jeans, i hang up the pump and look into my car with the boys all staring and making goofy faces and laughing. *sigh* smile...need an aspirin, drive the 45 minutes home, brush teeth, say prayers, put kids to bed in their clothes, tomorrow is another day, the boys have big plans to play pokemon cards and with toys, as i unload the groceries i come across one plastic lemon...hmmm interesting. the boys keep talking about their plans and they slowly get quieter and quieter, all is quiet and *sigh* i'm going to bed, to await the adventure of tomorrow!

13 comments:

The Wisers said...

Oh hell, I hate Walmart. Thanks for reminding me just how bad, I think it will help me avoid it for a bit especially now that I have three kids. I love the backpack, I can just picture you trucking around Walmart in some hiking boots. No really, you're an amazing mom and soooo brave.

Brundage Family said...

Oh Vanessa...I don't know how you're doing it. Do you have some help sometimes? A great babysitter for just a little down time to yourself? I've been reading all your posts, and I'm so impressed with what an AMAZING job you'r doing! I love the token system, but I don't know how you stuck to it...I always give up on those things after a few days. :) And as for Walmart...well, this is my kid's mantra whenever we enter such a place:

me: "OK kids, remember, don't make mom look like what?"

kids: (all yelling) "Don't make mom look like a crazy person!"

Slap the smile on your face and brave the toy aisle.

You're doing such a good job...can't wait to see you this summer!

Brooke

Felicia said...

So that's where you were when I called from Jo-Ann's in Provo needing an opinion!

Unfortunately, I have almost the same story, just change Wal-Mart and K-mart, to Target and Jo-Ann's. At least I got to be in "fun" stores.

I treated myself to a Regular (not diet) Dr. Pepper after my day. You should've come over and stolen one from my basement :o)

Did you pass the same 100 or so deer we passed on our way through the mountain? I've never seen it so bad.

SLO Rober said...

I love the backpack, too. It's the one thing Ty can't escape from (yet). Ihad him in it the other day at Farm Supply to buy berry vines for the garden. When we went to leave he yelled to the lady with the straw garden hat who helped us "Bye Cowboy!"

Mother of the Wild Boys said...

How did you have enough energy to blog about it all? Maybe the venting helped, that's why I blog. :) Good job making it out alive, it's no small task. SERENITY NOW! :)

girlsmama said...

Isn't Walmart the best? I use the backpack too! I learned that from you with number 3. It has worked great with number 4 too! It at least keeps one kid totally contained.:)

I love all the people who state the obvious "Wow! You have your hands full!" and walk away as fast as they can. I have to admit once in a while you get a saint who helps. I remember once I was at Sams Club 6 mo pregnant, Mary screaming bloody hell in the cart, dragging Maggie who is also screaming, and Leah trying to help me push the cart which she isn't strong enough to do. A dear getnleman came and started pushing the cart, loaded all the groceries into my car and simply said, "I know it's hard, but remember how happy they make you when they aren't screaming and you'll be able to endure this part" and he smiled patted my shoulder and took the basket away. As I sobbed all the way home for my failure as a mother his smile made me feel like at least I wasn't the only one.

You are awesome and doing a great job!

The Christensons said...

you guys crack me up, thanks for the words of encouragment!
melissa i'm not brave just stupid! ;)and no no hiking boots with the outfit, just flip flops. brooke, yes i have a ton of babysitters, being in young womens instantly gives you sooo many options, i usually try to use as many different ones i can so that way no one person gets too tired! but i need to start using them more i think! crazy person, love it! unfortunatly i do that without the help of my children too often than not!
kate do you think that your house is going to survive my kids and yours all under the same roof?

felicia, YES! was it a deer in headlights convention last night? all i kept seeing was their white little butts bouncing all over the place as i nearly hit 98 of the hundred out there!
shauntae it's called had two very large diet drinks with a lot of caffine after trying to give it up and failed misserably after a shamefully 48 hours without the stuff!

The Christensons said...

and jess we've all been there, crying that is, i've had a really nice comment given to me here and there too in my many years of pain in stores with more than i can handle! arnt those special souls so nice to see, and listen that you need a special nice encouragement? thanks for all your guys nice words!

Kinsey Pistorius said...

okay, if you can seriously make me laugh out loud at such a stressful Walmart trip, I think it is book-worthy. Honestly Vanessa, you should write a book one day - your experiences are too funny! I have put Drew in timeout at our local grocery store once in the bread aisle. I got stares but it also worked so I didn't care! :)

Mindy said...

Walmart with kids makes me tired! Your post made me tired! Thanks for the laugh!

Bonnie said...

This post really got me thinking and has inspired a thought for one I will be doing soon. All you young moms are amazing. I am in awe of what you do. I know I must have done it too, but somehow I can barely imagine it when I watch someone else in the thick of it now. Congrats on making it though that day!

Sal Gal said...

I got a headache just reading your experience! :) I am going to start a section called, "Going out with kids" on my blog. There is no other way to say it nicely...it is HELL taking kids to a store. I Love how many others used that same word! And about the candy thing at the checkout, if my kids have been bad, which is ALWAYS, I buy candy for myself and eat it in front of them! I know, I'm mean, but it makes me feel good! :)

Fleming Family said...

Do I remember you? You're unforgetable! I could never forget you...my husband on the other hand never remembers meeting you even though I explained the time we got together at Chelsea's house step by step. Gotta love that hubby anyway. I've missed keeping in touch, so I'm glad you found us!

I felt like your story was a recap of so many of my adventures to the store! (Only without the baby throwup in my hair, never did the backpack thing.) Running over Ryan...that helps me not feel so bad for all the times I've hit one of the boys and had to appologize profusely after we leave (there's no time for something like that at the check out stand). Today I went to the store with all 4 boys (many looks of "Holy Cow, are you crazy" and "Wow you've got your hands full") and said to a friend I ran into, that I really try to avoid going to the store with all four of them at all costs. It's far too much for any mother to have to handle. We may all have one great trip out of 10, and have to hang on to that great memory or we'd never do it again. :)

Talk with you soon! Yay!

Alison

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